Jokingly Ever After
by Epic Awaken
Summary: AU. One year after the events of "Return of the Joker." Joker and Harley are alive once again and out to reclaim their place in Gotham. In the end they learn, it's not when you are, but who you are with, that truly gives you the ability to smile. Moved from "Renowned Ardor" to my new account. Originally Published: 2/5/12
1. Chapter 1: Bright New Smiles

**(Moved From: "Renowned Ardor" - My old account)**

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******MUSH-WARNING!******

The following story is about passionate love, and thus contains a lot of "mush." Haters of heartfelt moments be warned...

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**JOKINGLY EVER AFTER**

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The_ following is a story about things that change, and how when they do, you want others to always, forever, be the same..._

**Location: **Neo-Gotham City. AU Batman Beyond/Batman: The Animated Series.

**Time: **One year after the events of "Return of the Joker" in a specific alternate timeline.

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**Prologue**

The Joker that wreaked havoc in "Return of the Joker" was merely a pawn, a puppet, a test. He was sent by the Joker forward in time as part of an elaborate scheme devised to achieve lasting immortality through the use of revolutionary, and illegal, DNA-manipulation technology. Not one year had passed since this foe had been stopped, and all of Gotham was sure the Clown Prince of Crime had been put to rest once and for all. Little did they know, he would soon be back, better than ever, and this time, not alone.

Joker's brought Harley on his journey with him, and this time around, things will be a bit different. The Gotham they knew is long since gone, and as the villainous duo seeks to reclaim their place in the world, the distance between their heyday and the present becomes all too clear for them to see. A journey of awakening soon unfolds as the two seek to tell their jokes to new crowds that have never heard of their devious names. As the Clown Prince of Crime is soon to learn, it's not the audience that matters when the jokes are all done, but the lady backstage in the curtains, who ultimately still makes life fun.

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**Jokingly Ever After**

**Chapter 1: Bright New Smiles**

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"Puddin'?" she whispered, eyes slowly focusing. As the muscles attached to her pupils began to loosen back, Harley Quinn's vision instantly interpreted the glowing white being in front of her. The room was dark, black even, savor four slivers of sun that projected themselves through slits on the blind of a nearby window and danced in illuminations around his form. His sleek black hair glistened shiny with light, his eyes, full of intent, were yellow and bright, though of all the features that she knew of him, what touched her the fastest was that devilish grin.

"HAR-ley!" he spoke, "Why it's about time you came to!" Joker's face dropped into a scowl. "You have no idea how boring it can be watching somebody sleep for three days," he said, rolling his eyes.

Harley swallowed. "I've been asleep for three days? What'd I e-" She suddenly paused, her expression twisting into a jumbled frown. "Say...What give-...Where are we?" she asked. Harley scanned the room from left to right. There were piles upon piles of old, dry, dusty wooden crates strewn haphazardly about the floor. Tangled, frayed, grey netting sat stacked in the left corner of the room, and a group of three busted barrels stood clustered to her right. She looked down and found herself sitting on her own wooden box, a moth-eaten, dirt-caked, pink and white-flowered quilt wrapped around her cold body.

Joker leaned back with a smug little grin. "Why, we're in Gotham City's very own East Dock Storage Facility! Abandoned Warehouse Number 8, to be exact!" He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, then quickly contorted and coughed. "Notice the smell of old fish and sawdust?" he said, smiling sheepishly.

Harley raised her eyebrow and stared.

"Oh it really is a lovely place, Harley. You won't find such luxury and comfort around Ol' Gotham City these days!" A stream of wood chips and cobwebs lightly drizzled down on his left shoulder as the sound of pigeons cooing echoed suddenly from up above. Joker pursed his lips, looking at the dirt from the corner of his eyes, then quickly brushed it off and smiled sheepishly again.

Her eyes were narrowed. "Something funny's going on, Mistah J. Why are you dressed like that?"

Joker looked down at his humbly-clad body. He wore brown-colored leather dress shoes, dark blue cotton pants, and a green, long-sleeved sweater. For a moment, he bit his lip and stared, then his gaze quickly shot back up to Harley. "Because this is what my host was wearing!" he scowled.

"Host? You mean like a game show?" she asked, trying not to grin.

"Not exactly, Harley," he replied, smiling back, "You see, how do I put this?" Joker cupped both hands behind his back and paced the floor. "Oh! I know!" He turned and looked at her directly in the eye. "Baby...We're dead."

"Eep!" she squeaked, jumping back slightly and covering her mouth, "Wha-whadda ya mean 'dead'? Mistah J?" Harley swallowed.

His eyelids relaxed as a warm smile spread across his lips. "Harley," he said, wrapping an arm around her back and sitting down beside her, "Do you remember that time we kidnapped The Bat's little boy-scout helper?"

"Y-You mean the kid? Yeah! I...remember..."

"Gooood. Do you remember how we twisted his mind with those devices to make him our 'son'?"

"Yeah...I remember," she said, pursing her lips and looking around.

"Well, Baby," Joker sighed, "That little stunt sorta backfired... Turned out to be the death of me!" He closed his eyes, leaned his head back, and let out a hearty chuckle.

Harley stared at him wide eyed, her face in horror.

"YOU managed to survive," he said, wiping a tear from his eye, "but it was still the end of your career nevertheless." Joker walked over and opened the blinds some more. He then reached down, picked up a nearby newspaper, and sat down next to her again. "Here. Read this," he mumbled, handing it over.

Harley took the paper from him and scanned the front headlines. "_New Tax Increase Means a Holiday on Hold_...What's that gotta do with me!"

Joker slapped his head with his right hand and slowly dragged it down his face. "Not that headline, Pooh! Read on!"

She twisted her lips again and turned her attention back to the paper. Her eyes got wide as she scanned the text in the bottom right corner. "_Harleen Quinzel, 79...died yesterday in her sleep?_" Her hands began to shake wildly as her breathing deepened. Slowly, still shaking, her head turned to the Joker, eyes twitching. "H-How!"

"Old age I guess!" he replied, smugly, "I'd say it was from a broken heart, but apparently you managed to find someone new!" Joker pointed to a spot under the article's photo.

"_H-Harleen leaves behind two orphaned granddaughters_!" she gasped.

"Mmhmmm! Got some explaining to do, Pooh?" Joker said, eyeing her intensely.

"Ph...Puddin'! I don't even know who this broad IS! My god, just look at her!" Harley motioned, still shaking, to the elderly woman in the photograph. "All wrinkled and homely and ...well-behaved! I-"

He reached over and held her frantic hand. "It's you, Harley-Girl. At least, it was you..."

"B-but I don't understand!" she said, muscles tensing up.

Joker took in a long breath and released her hand, then stood up. "Harley, when we captured that little runt, we were on the top of our game. I remember feeling like there was no duo in the world that could touch us, but I realized around that same time that there was no way we could keep on doing the same charade forever." His expression hardened as he, once again, paced the room. "That was when I came across some radical new technology, micro-DNA chips that could be used to record the exact memories and personalities of anyone! Beautiful devices really! You simply supply an ample amount of DNA from the target individual within the chip, program an appropriate dormant cycle, and slowly allow the chip to take over a new host! HA!" He chuckled. "After enough time has passed, the DNA combines with the host's and rewrites it from the inside out, turning the host victim into a clone of the original DNA from the chip in a matter of mere months!" He turned and grinned widely, beaming at Harley.

She shifted uneasily, staring back. "I...still don't understand, Mistah J..."

He sighed. "Nobody lives forever, Harley," he replied, "but with the ability provided by these chips, WE would never die out! Don't you get it? A fresh body! A new start, but all with the same wisdom we gathered from our previous life!"

Harley sat like a statue.

Joker clenched his right hand and examined his finger nails. "I may have 'died-out' all those years ago, but now I'm here, back in action, ready to bring on the laughs again!" he said, grinning.

"S-so...I'm dead?" Harley uttered, eyeing herself in the quilt.

Joker rolled his eyes and slumped over. "Try to keep up here, Pooh. I died 40 years ago, you survived, then died two weeks ago. I planted DNA microchips with both of our memories and personalities inside the host victims of young individuals whom we held hostage years ago, and, through successive amplification over another generation, our genes were passed on to their offspring, in effect creating us again!"

Harley swallowed hard, then ran a hand over her hair. "Oh...My head hurts, Mistah J...So, why don't I remember any of it?" she asked.

He smiled. "Because, Pooh, our memories were only passed on up until the point that the DNA that was put into the micro chips was taken from us...Oh! And as for the procedures... I did it in private."

Her face dropped into a frown.

"Why ruin the surprise!" he said, laughing, "After all...Aren't you delightfully shocked that you're not some old, wrinkled, disgusting wench right now?"

She gave him a look, then smiled as she gazed around at her delicate, slender, firm, little, young and classic figure. "Yeah," she whispered.

"Me too..." he smiled. Joker's face suddenly dropped into a scowl. "Though I'd love to know why you went running off with some other LOSER after I kicked the bucket!"

Harley sat back, her eyes the size of dinner plates. "Puddin'! I could neva'!"

"Don't give me that, Harley!" he snapped back, "You obviously could if you managed to have grandkids while I was gone!" He crossed his arms, looking away.

"NO!" she screamed, "I couldn't DO it! I just couldn't!" Harley began to openly cry. "You're my 'Puddin'! I don't want anyone else in the world!"

Joker glanced over from the corner of his eyes. He grunted at the sight of Harley's quivering lips and turned from her, grimacing slightly to the sound of her sobs.

"I...I don't know who this broad is," she whimpered, "but I can't IMAGINE abandoning you!" Her body shook again as she rubbed her own shoulders. "And leaving you after you were dead...H-How did I live with myself..." she sobbed.

"You tell me," he growled.

"I don't know!" she cried, "I worked so hard to be the woman at your side...I couldn't have lived knowin' you were gone!" Harely coughed into her hands, burying her face.

He stared at the ground, gritting his teeth, tensing all over.

"Jack," she whispered, softly echoing his true name on the wind.

Joker choked on his tongue, then turned to her. "Harleen," he said, staring down at her.

She looked up at him with her soft, big, blue orbs, glistening wet with tears in the sunlight. Her lips sat small, her cheeks were smooth, her shoulders squeezed together, and her back arched erect, but it was all so outshined by the life in her eyes. "I love you," she said.

Joker's eyes fell down to the floor. "I know," he replied. A gurgle rose from his throat. "Why do you think I brought you back..." he said. There was silence in the room then as his eyes continued to avoid her.

"I don't know WHY my stupid self woulda done that!" she sobbed, "It just doesn't make any sense!...I...I...Iii-"

"Now, now, Pooh!" he said, sitting beside her again. He slipped an arm around her and pulled her in close.

"I'd die for you!" she choked.

"I know you would!" Joker replied.

"Maybe that'd be best! You'll never be able to trust 'us' now! I'll never be able to trust myself now!"

"Now, Pooh, you know I don't like wh-"

"But for god's sake! The only reason I LIVE is for you! I don't even KNOW wh-who I-"

He reached over with his free hand, cupping her chin in his palm.

"I...wha..w-..." she shivered, staring at him.

Joker pulled her in and gave her a big, wet kiss, square on the mouth. "Pooh," he said, stroking her lips with his finger, "I've seen people lose their cool before, but be reasonable!" he chuckled.

She stared through him, speechless.

He rolled his eyes again, clearing his throat and shifting his body around. "You know...I guess I did forget to mention that your 'granddaughters,' albeit grandchildren of another you and not THIS 'you,'" he said, poking her teasingly, "are part of a little cult called the 'Jokerz' that just so happens to worship and idolize everything about me!"

Harley looked up at him.

"Now where do you suppose they would've learned to do a thing like that?" he grinned.

A small smile appeared on her face.

"You know, that little article also points out how you once bailed them out of prison, despite not talking to them for ages! Some sort of 'family dispute' involving the mother, whom apparently broke all ties with you because of the 'lies' you told her about her heritage? Something about hiding the identity of her father from her all her life?" A wicked smile appeared on Joker's face. "Naughty Girl! I smell a dirty little secret in there!"

"Sounds more like me..." Harley smiled.

"I know!" he laughed, "That's what I thought! I can't wait to find out what you were up to without me!"

She frowned again. "Puddin'?"

"Yes, Pooh?

"I really love you..." she sniffed, "so much!"

Joker's eyelids grew heavy as he stared into her light blue eyes. "Harley...If I could've picked anyone in the world to live on with me forever, I'd still only ever pick you..."

"Mistah J," Harley whispered, tearing up, "That's the nicest thing you've ever-"

He stopped her there and pulled her in for another kiss, and she closed her eyes, melting into his arms.

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"My dear, sweet, Harley-Quinn-Aid," he whispered, petting her head, "What on Earth are you doing in that tacky blanket?"

"I don't know," Harely giggled, "I just woke up today!"

"Well," Joker said, unwrapping her and tossing it away, "I think I can handle the role of keeping you warm for now," he smirked.

"Oh, Mistah J!" she teased, slinking into him.

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_**Awe...And they say villains can't find love...**_

Curious about anything? Joker's DNA plan (and its ties to "Return of the Joker")? What the original Harley did in Joker's absence? Their place in Neo-Gotham? Where things will go from here? Only one way to find out... Don't worry, my friends, I'm writing this story to finally give these two a happy ending, I promise. ;)

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**Feel Free to Message me with all of your Comments, Questions, Suggestions, or Concerns via PM or my email!**

**STAY TUNED for Chapter 2: ****_Laughing Spaces_****...Coming VERY, VERY SOON! ****_(Progress Updates on my profile!)_**


	2. Chapter 2: Laughing Spaces

**Jokingly Ever After**

**Chapter 2: Laughing Spaces**

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"I look like a stinkin' librarian! A housewife! Sheesh! What the hell's going on!" Harley said, gawking at her reflection in a dusty old window that was boarded up on the outside. She wore a light green dress covered in bright pink flowers and a skirt that went down well past her knees. Two white high heels were strapped around her ankles and a pair of matching bracelets dangled from her left arm. Her famously blonde-dyed hair was its natural color, a very light brown. Harley slowly stepped forward and rubbed out a smudge on the window's glass with her thumb, staring intensely into her brilliant blue eyes. She looked to her thumb and stuck out her tongue, wiping the dirt off on her shoulder. "Yuck! Even my nails are pink! This is a disaster..." she said, pouting.

"Oh, come on now, Pooh! I think you'd make a wonderful dowdy secretary! Or maybe a school teacher! Hahahaha!" Joker said, rearing his head back and holding his sides as he laughed.

Harley clenched her fists and dropped them sharply to her sides, pressing her head down against her shoulders and scowling. "Oh yeah? Look who's talking! You couldn't intimidate a nun in that sweater, Grandpa!"

Joker blinked as his expression fell flat. He growled softly. "Need me to find that picture of you and the cane again?" He smirked.

She glared at him, then closed her eyes and crossed her arms. "Hey, do what ya want Mistah J...But I'm not the one who looks like a reject Frosty the Snowman that the kids rolled up and threw their senile relative's mothball-ridden clothes on!"

He grunted.

Harley opened one eye, trying not to smile.

Joker stood there, lips twisted, teeth gritted, staring at her.

Her lips parted and she showed her own teeth in a huge grin, then gave him a wink.

Joker swallowed. "Mmmnnneehh! Okay!" he said, folding his arms, "So we need to find our old clothes..."

Harley's arms dropped back to her sides. "Do we have our old clothes anywhere?" she asked.

He bit his lip and searched the floor. "I checked the _Laugh Lounge_! _The Smile Shack_, _Wren's Restaurant_...the little warehouse downtown in District 6 where that carnival used to be...Nothing!" he said, throwing his arms in the air, "I've only been gone 40 years and they decided to renovate and bulldoze everything I took from this blasted city!" Joker yelled, waving a fist.

Harley frowned as her gaze drifted to the floor. "Well they sure left this dump in one piece..."

Joker's eyes shot wide open. "Harley! That's it Harley!"

"What's it, Puddin'?" she cooed, putting a finger to her lips.

He took a step forward, pointing with his thumb towards a semi-open window. "This city's fishing business went down the tubes ages ago! It's all washed up!" he chuckled, "I can't believe I didn't think of it sooner! After all the ecological upheaval my little 'laughing fish' gag pulled, this city's local seafood became a living hazard!"

Harley smiled coyly and shrugged. "Who wouldn't wanna eat a cute lil' grinning guppy-fish?"

"Add to that the fact that the goons in this city have been polluting the waterways with their chemicals and crime since before you and I were born, and it's easy to see why the docks on this end of Gotham don't get much attention these days!"

She nodded vigorously in agreement with his speech, hands cupped together beneath her chin. "But wait," she blinked, "What's that got to do with finding our old clothes again, Mistah J?"

Joker smiled warmly and stared lazily at her. "Well, Harley, it just so happens that I had a secret little bunker tucked away on an island just off Gotham Sound once. Don't you remember?"

Harley pursed her lips and looked at the ceiling, "Gee, I dunno Mistah J...Is this the one where I wore my two-piece out on the beach for ya?"

He leaned forward and flashed her a wicked grin. "Exactly."

* * *

She shielded her eyes from the sun with her right arm as they made their way quickly down the cracked concrete steps and forward on the aging boardwalk. A row of five or six broken and battered, rotted-out wooden buildings with faded and chipped green and red paint similar to the one they'd just emerged from stretched to her right. Pigeons and crows huddled together on semi-shingled rooftops watching the occasional seagull dart by. White smoke rose in great plumes to the sky from the stacks of a factory and collection of homes on the distant edges of the city. "I'm confused Mistah J...Don't we usually wait until 'cover of darkness' to sneak around stealing ships an 'at?"

"That was the 'old' us, Harley. We're in a completely new Gotham City now!" he grinned, "Besides," His expression dropped. "I've unfortunately already made another 'appearance' in this time...a little 'drone' I sent out to scout the area for us...who met his end at the hands of the new Batman that likes to 'patrol' at night..."

Harley stopped cold on the dock. "Bats is still around? How the heck is he still fighting over 40 years later? He's gotta be like 90!"

"I don't think it's the same Batman, Pooh," Joker replied, "He doesn't look the same by the pictures...and he doesn't fight quite the same either."

"He must fight pretty dirty if he managed ta- ...Wait! He killed you?" Harley swallowed hard, eyes growing wide.

"Don't worry Harl!" he said, putting a hand on her shoulder, "That was just a prototype! I hid the microchip on the outside of the intended victim!" he laughed, "It was bound to break or fall off! Our regeneration was a bit more 'permanent' than that..."

She looked down at her frilly green dress. "Y-Ya sure about that, P-Puddin'?"

"Of course!" he replied, kissing her head, "Our microchips don't even exist on us! I put them in the parents of these bodies, who basically existed simply to raise us again! Haha!"

"You're screwy," Harley smirked, looking up at him, "You know that?"

"You love it," he whispered, gazing at her.

Harley stepped closer and leaned in. "I never said I didn't...Mistah J," she replied huskily, twirling a finger over his chest.

Joker pulled her in and stared into her big, beautiful, blue eyes. "Please...Call me Puddin,' Dear," he said, eyeing her intensely.

Harley let out a tiny squeak, then moved up and kissed him.

He placed a hand on her back and lifted her in, pressing their lips together.

* * *

"So what kinda ship are we lookin' for?" Harley asked.

"Anything will do," Joker replied, "We just need something that can get us across Gotham Harbor. Preferably fast." He scratched the back of his head with his right index finger, eyes scanning the horizon. There was the sudden sound of footsteps creaking on the boards behind him. Joker and Harley turned to see a thin man in tan boots, grey sweatpants, and a blue hooded sweatshirt approaching. He had a bald head and a dark chin full of stubble. In his right hand, they could see reflections of sunlight coming from the blade of a small knife.

"Afternoon guys," the man said, "Got anything for me?"

Joker raised an eyebrow at Harley, but kept his real attention on the stranger. He sighed, displaying a small half-smile. "No, my good man. I'm afraid I don't actually! How about you, Harley? Got anything for the nice fellow?"

"I might," she said slowly, smirking.

Joker grinned back at her.

"Oh yeah?" the man said, eyeing her up, "I'll bet there's a lot of things you can give me, Doll. And maybe after I won't kill you if you're lucky."

Harley held her smirk and said nothing.

The man stared at her for a moment, then turned to Joker. "Well I guess I'll take care of your lover over here first then!" he said, raising the knife, "...since there's no objection..." He stared at the Joker, tilting his head. "Ha...Don't get a lot of sunlight, do you bud?"

Joker tilted his head back, smiling smugly. "No I'm afraid sunlight hurts my complexion." He looked at the man, a huge grin spreading across his face as he lowered his chin. "But not HALF as bad as THIS will hurt!"

Dumbfounded, the man stared at Joker.

"Hey Baldy!" Harley called.

The man turned his head and was quickly met with a swift kick to the face that sent him flying. His body slapped hard off the ground, knocking him out as the knife flew from his hand into a nearby pile of old tires.

"Well done Harley!" Joker said, clasping his hands and grinning. "I think you might've given him a new neck problem!"

"Ha!" Harely said, smacking her hands up and down, "Serves him right for trying to swing a date with this broad! And no one touches my Mistah J..." She swallowed and looked to him, flashing a sheepish grin. "I mean 'Puddin'..."

"That's my girl," Joker said, smirking at her. He turned his attention back to the man. "Hmm," he said, scratching his chin, "I wonder what we can do to make this poor fellow's day a little better..." As he scanned the ground, he noticed a line of black carpenter ants trailing their way up the side of one of the rotted-out old buildings. "Ahhhh!" he said. Joker walked over to the wall and gave it quick kick with his right foot, busting straight through. He watched intently, then lightly knocked on the intact part above the hole. To his delight, a horde of black ants came spilling out. "Perfect." he said darkly.

Harley stood silent, watching her man go to work.

Joker began whistling a happy tune as he walked over and removed the man's left boot and sock. He scooped up a great heap of ants in the boot and delicately poured them into the sock, spinning it around several times to trap them in the bottom while he held onto the top.

The attacker groaned, rubbing his head.

"Ah, good!" Joker said, "I was afraid you'd sleep through the festivities!"

"Wha?" the man said lazily.

Joker reached down and plucked up the man by the front of his shirt, holding the sock in his right hand. "You see," he began, walking a few feet over towards the edge of the dock, "My mother taught me a very valuable lesson about how to behave around people I don't know...that I think you should learn!" He hoisted the sock up, loosening his grip and allowing it to unwind. "It goes like this...If you don't have anything nice to say...put a SOCK in it!" Joker rammed his hand forward and shoved the ant-filled sock deep into the would-be attacker's throat. He then dropped the man to the ground and forcefully pushed him off the dock. "Ah-HAHAHAHAHAHahahahahahahahaaa a!"

Harley gasped and pulled her two clenched fists to the front of her face, grinning madly.

"And do be careful about that first step now! It really BITES! HAHAHAHAHAHAHahahaha!" he laughed, reeling back and clutching his sides with joy.

"You're so bad, Puddin'!" Harley laughed.

"Ahhh...Aren't I though?" He wiped his eyes and straightened his back, putting his hands on his hips and projecting his chest. "It feels so good to be back in Gotham! This city could use a little more humor!"

"And there's no brand of humor like yours, Mistah J!" Harley said.

He smiled at her with heavy eyes. Their moment was quickly cut short, however, as the man resurfaced, yelling in pain with the sock in his mouth and clawing his way through the water in a frantic panic to get away from them.

"You'd better run!" Harley called, "We might just decide ta play that again!"

Joker chuckled. His eyes opened wide to the familiar sound of a motor. They turned to see a white speedboat in the distance making way for their side of the shore. "Well Pooh," Joker said with a wicked grin, "...that's our ride!"

* * *

"I just don't understand," Harley said, smacking the dust from her hands, "They all think they can clobber me..." She stood looking down at a pair of limp bodies clad in brown waders and wool sweaters that she'd personally just knocked unconscious.

"It's probably got something to do with the teacher-getup," Joker remarked.

She gave him a look, then stepped into the boat. "Whaddya talkin' about? Even in my normal outfit I always get called out like that! It's like no one's ever seen a chick who can fight before!"

"You are a rarity in this world, Pooh," he said, smiling, "Now, let's see how to start this thing...Oh! Isn't that nice! They left the key in the ignition for us!"

Harley hopped over and scooted into the chair beside him. "Gee, maybe I shouldn'ta broke the guy's nose!"

"Naaah...He needed a nose job anyway..." Joker chuckled, starting the engine. The motor roared to life, shaking the boat. He threw the accelerator forward, sending the craft hurtling over the waves. "One thing you've gotta love about the future, Harley-Girl...they sure know how to make things go!"

"I'm getting all excited!" Harley teased, bobbing up and down.

Joker grinned widely. "Just wait until we get to the bunker!" he said.

They blazed across the bay at lightning speed. Harley turned around and saw the towers of the city and warehouses at the abandoned docks rapidly shrink, the haze from the smokestacks beginning to blend with the clouds of the afternoon sky. A lone hanging bridge with chipped yellow paint that went into the city from a tunnel within a nearby mountain was quickly left behind by their little white speedboat as the duo escaped the final manmade structures of civilized Gotham. The craft slinked and twisted through a narrowing waterway and hooked right around an impressive group of rocky outcroppings. There soon came the sight of clusters of trees that dotted the larger rocks, leading up to a forested island.

"I sure hope there's no new sandbars here," he said. Joker led the boat around the far side of the coastline and down a tiny inlet that was just barely wide enough for them to get through. As the thick vegetation began to engulf them, he pulled the boat over to an old, rotted, black log that lay on its side. "Ha! It's still here! It's not exactly upright anymore, but my old marker and tie-off is right where it should be!" Joker beamed. "Do you know what this means Harley? Nobody's been back here! At least not for anything besides hiking anyway!" He smiled widely as he shut off the engine, then jumped off the boat and held out his hand. "Come on, Pooh! Let's go home!"

Harley squeaked happily and closed her eyes with a big smile, then hopped from her seat and squeezed his hand tight as he helped her onto the beach. "Gee, Puddin,' this place sure looks grown-in!"

"Yes," Joker said, looking about, "I'll have to remember to trim the hedges sometime...Now, follow me!" They went slowly through the underbrush, following a dirt path that resembled the appearance of a dried out riverbed.

"Hey Mistah J?" Harley said.

"Yes, Pumpkin?"

"How long were you out runnin' around before I showed up?"

"About a week, Harley. I wasn't really sure when you'd come into yourself, so I sort of had to stalk you for awhile," he said, smirking, "Gave me some time to scout out the place too. You wouldn't believe how expensive things are anymore! It's a good thing we don't pay for anything..." He walked to the rock face of a large hill and pushed a bush away from his view of a nearby tree. "Ha! First time!" he said. Joker took his hand and carefully began to brush away dirt from a spot on the wall just behind the trunk of the tree. "Found it!" he said, revealing his discovery to Harley.

She peered over his shoulder at the rusted metal plate with four small slits in it that his right hand rested on.

"Let's hope the battery still works," he said. Joker pushed a small button at the corner of the plate and held it in place. "Hello...Computer?" he said. There was a small pause, followed by a flash of glee in his eyes as a voice replied.

"_Voice-Activated_ _Authorization Requested_."

Joker grinned wickedly and spoke into the slits. "Daddy's...home." There was the immediate clang of metal that echoed from within the mountain as the main door was unlocked. "Haha! I just knew the extra money I put into this was well spent!" he said. Joker and Harley suddenly cringed in disgust as the door opened and screeched with an ear-splitting tone.

"Maybe you could've used some of that money on a little oil!" Harley shouted, covering her ears.

"It's been over 40 years!" Joker yelled back, covering his own. They watched impatiently as the door finally opened up with a thud. "Ah..." Joker sighed, "Now, inside," he said, moving forward.

Harley grabbed his hand and followed him in.

"Door! Close!" Joker called. They both held their ears again as the metal door screamed and slammed shut. "Lights!" Joker yelled, letting his arms drop back down. A row of fluorescent-lit rectangles instantly turned on and stretched on down the grey-walled hallway.

"Ha! And only three of them popped!" Harley remarked.

"I stole good money for them, Pooh!" Joker replied, "I even switched to a special incandescent set for the main rooms! Makes things a little more 'homely,' Remember?"

"I do!" Harley smiled. Her face quickly fell into a deep frown. "Awe, drat..."

"What is it?"

She slumped over. "I miss my Babies..." she sniffed.

Joker reached over and rubbed her back. "Now, now, Pumpkin! We'll get you another pair!"

"Promise?"

He nodded, smiling.

Harley grinned widely and closed her eyes, wrapping her arms around him.

Joker embraced her warmly and mirrored her expression. "Now, Pooh...What do you say we get dressed?"

"For now..." she smirked.

* * *

He stood in front of a ten foot high mirror with a wavy, violet frame and admired his look. The classic purple and green suit, gloves, and shoes were finally back on, and he couldn't help but smile. "_At last! I'm the 'Joker' again!_" he thought. "Oh just look at me! I'm delicious!" Joker declared, hugging himself.

"Hope ya saved room for dasert!" a husky voice answered.

Joker turned to see Harley flip three times in the air and land beside him. She, too, was now clad in her classic clothing. His eyes scanned her body with pleasure as they drifted from her little feet, up her slender, crossed legs, her round waist, tiny stomach, firm breasts, thin arms, delicate shoulders, all the way up to those brilliant blue eyes and a devilish smile on a face that was now colored in white paint and black lipstick. "Hel-lo Harley!" he said.

"Like whatcha see...Puddin'?" she asked, tilting her head sideways and eyeing him coyly. "I know I do..."

His eyes darted up her body once more. "Whadda you think?" he whispered, smirking.

She took a step closer, and he closed the distance, sweeping her up and planting his lips squarely against hers.

Harley closed her eyes and sighed into his mouth, wrapping her arms around his neck as he breathed gently against her face.

After a few minutes of passion, they parted softly. "Come on Pooh," Joker whispered, "Let's go make some 'ha-ha'..."

* * *

_**Guess who's back and ready to be 'naughty' Gotham! That's right! ...And things are only going to get better from here.**_

* * *

**Feel Free to Message me with all of your Comments, Questions, Suggestions, or Concerns via PM or my email!**

**STAY TUNED for Chapter 3: ****_Party Planners_****...Coming VERY, VERY SOON! ****_(Progress Updates on my profile!)_**


	3. Chapter 3: Party Planners

**Jokingly Ever After**

**Chapter 3: Party Planners**

* * *

"We need to do something big!" Joker said, resting his chin on his clenched fist. "Our return needs to be something this city can remember! A world-renowned, feared holiday! Like Friday the 13th! Haha! ...But what? What do we do...I don't want to just end up in Arkham again! Who knows what that place is like with all the high-tech security gadgets they've probably got installed there these days!" He sat up straight in his plush purple armchair, scratching his chin as his eyes scanned the far wall.

"What about finding us some henchmen, Mistah J? We could get ahold of that Jokerz gang or somethin'..." Harley said, carefully fixing up his hair from behind.

"Nah...Why would I want to deal with a bunch of bratty teenagers?" Joker replied, "Besides...Given the circumstances, those twins will end up being my grandchildren or something! They'd have me paying child care! Ha!"

Harley stopped trimming and lowered her head. "I'll bet they are yours," she whispered.

He paused and smiled, closing his eyes for a moment, then breathed out and turned to her. "Harley...I'll bet they are too! We both know what a devious little minx you can be!" he said, starring at her and grinning.

She smiled back.

"I don't even want to know how you got ahold of my DNA," he chuckled, "But since we're on the matter...Do you really want to spend your time tied down to a bunch of delinquents?"

Harley's eyes dropped to the floor. She'd always dreamt about having a family with the Joker, but this was the first time in her memory that he'd ever brought the subject so clearly right up to her. Her mind strained to envision the twisted version of an outdoor grill and white picket fence they would likely never have.

"...sharing living space, sleeping quarters, 'us' time..."

Her mind snapped back to attention. "Hell no, Puddin! Nobody gets dibs on my Mistah J but me!" she said, throwing her arms to her sides and straightening her back. Harley blinked in shock at her little spontaneous little outburst.

Joker smiled and let his eyelids droop. "That's my little Harley-Quinn," he said.

Harley smiled sheepishly and looked to the side. "A-Awright Mistah J...Ya got me! Now...turn around again so I can finish up..."

He nodded and spun back into place breathing out a happy sigh of relief.

"So if we're not gonna setup another gang right away...What are we gonna do, Puddin'?"

"I don't know!" Joker grumbled, "I guess we could have a little fun with the Joker Venom! Yeeeeesss..." he said, grinning, "No one IN this blasted city has any immunity to the stuff other than you and I! We could have a field day with the it!" His smile receded again. "That won't be enough though!" he groaned, scratching his chin, "My drone managed to take hold of military-grade weapon satellites! How can we not do one better?"

Harley frowned. "I dunno!"

"What if we planted a bomb inside every major building in Gotham...No! That wouldn't work! I want to 'Joker-size' the area, not destroy it completely! Where's the fun in that!"

"Maybe we could get the town to throw a party for your arrival..." Harley said.

Joker's eyes lit up. "Yes! A party! Good thinking Harley! We could have punch! And a cake! And a piñata!"

"And lots and lots of chaos!" Harley beamed.

"Now you're talking, Pooh!" Joker grinned, "We'll infect the entire city's water supply with my Joker Venom, and then, for the ones who still haven't been convinced enough to have a good time, we'll bring along some 'party-poppers'..."

"Sounds like fun ta me!" Harley grinned.

"Yeeeesss...Now, how's that haircut coming along, Pooh? I'd like to get started on this little project of ours as soon as possible..." he said, rubbing his hands together.

"All done, Puddin!" she replied, giving him a violet hand mirror.

Joker turned his head and examined himself, his smile slowly widening. "Excellent work Harley! I look like my old self once again!"

"That's my Mistah J!" Harley said, cupping her hands together below her chin.

He set the mirror down on a nearby wooden table and stood up, dusting himself off. "Mmmwah!" he said, kissing her cheek, "Follow me, Harley, we've got a little work to do..."

* * *

She sat on a light maple desk in the middle of a small room with dark yellow walls and a pine-green floor watching him dig through the drawers of two black, metal filing cabinets in the right corner of the room. Harley's gaze drifted down to the top of the desk, where a metallic, golden lamp with a light green shade sat next to some clown-faced coasters, a black-rimmed magnifying glass, and a stack of pens. Underneath the pile of pens and coasters, she noticed a clipping from an old newspaper. "Hmmm," she said, brushing the pile aside.

"Darn!" Joker said, walking to another set of matching cabinets in the left corner of the room, "I just know it's here somewhere! It's probably outdated, but it'll give me an idea!"

"Whatcha lookin' for, Puddin'?" she said, picking up the clipping.

"I keep records from every caper we've ever pulled," Joker replied, "and I know I've got a schematic in here for the Gotham Waterworks Treatment Facility from the last time we attempted to pull this stunt!" He suddenly stopped, and growled, smacking his hand off of one of the cabinets and slowly closing the drawer. "Oh...Who am I kidding...It didn't work out so well for us the first time, and not everyone drinks water!" He frowned, slumped over, and rested a cheek in his right palm, sighing. His eyes drifted over to Harley. "Are you listening?" he said.

Harley's eyes were focused intently on the clipping she now held in her right hand. "Hey Mistah J...What about this place?" she said, holding up a faded picture of a building with multiple towers and a large "W" on its front.

Joker stepped forward and took the clipping. "What is- ...Ahh..._Wayne Enterprises_!" he said. "Biggest company in Gotham..." His eyes suddenly opened wide. "Biggest company in the world even!" A huge, malicious grin exploded across his face. "Harley! You wonderful girl! I could just kiss you!"

Her eyes flashed to life with light and her body hopped up with a jolt as she cupped her fists together beneath her chin and squealed.

"Do you know what this means? I could infect more than just Gotham! I could infect the WORLD with my Joker Venom! And why stop there...Why, with all of the resources and connections of Wayne Enterprises, I could really do some harm! Haha!" He clenched his fists and smirked proudly, then turned to her.

Harley stared back, hands still cupped.

Joker leaned in and put his hands on her shoulders, then pulled her close and gave her a big, wet, kiss on the lips. "Come along, Harley-Pooh," he said, smiling warmly, "It's time to put on a little makeup..." He turned and giddily strolled out of the room.

She sat starring at the ceiling with an open mouth. "Oh Mistah J," she said, quivering. Harley swayed left and then collapsed on the desk. "Ya know ya shouldn't have!"

* * *

"Okay, Harley...Now you know why I had us dress up for this right?" Joker said, tying the speedboat off to the dock.

"Of course, Puddin'! Nobody knows who we are yet! They don't even know we're here..." she replied.

"Exactly!" Joker helped her onto the dock and then lightly pushed the boat underneath, tying it off again to keep it hidden. "We have the advantage of total surprise this time, Harley! And no one's going to find out about our little scheme until it's tooooo late!" he teased, smirking.

"So what's the plan tonight?" she asked.

"Weeeell I figured hiding from The Bat in the daytime was being a bit too hasty. After all, it's not like he's going to be out checking every boat dock and small shop in Gotham! We don't even look like ourselves! And furthermore, we're probably that much better off sneaking off with tonight's goodies under cover of darkness instead of broad daylight...We don't wanna attract too much attention."

"Makes sense, Mistah J! So what's my role again?"

"You're the flighty, young housewife and I'll play the part of your darling hubby!" he said, fixing the collar on his purple trench coat. Joker concealed the bulk of his figure, which still had on his classic violet suit, beneath the coat. His face, meanwhile, had been given a makeover of mascara to ensure that he had a more 'natural' skin tone. Harley's face had been washed of her pale paint and her hair was back out, along with the green and pink-flowered dress and pearly-white heels that she'd originally been wearing when she first became conscious. "Now," Joker said, tilting the rim of his matching fedora, "Let's go shopping..."

* * *

"There's a drugstore, Mistah J!" Harely said, pointing to a small grey building with windows in front and a red neon sign that spelled, "_GCG Pharmacy," _across the top.

He quickly grabbed her outstretched hand. "Now, Pooh, what did we talk about? We're only supposed to refer to each other with our pet names while we're here, remember?"

She smiled sheepishly. "Sorry M-...Puddin'..."

Joker lightly patted her head, then straightened his hat. "It's alright, Pooh! Now, let's see if this cozy little place sells the kind of 'juice' I like..." he chuckled.

They casually walked up to the 7 foot tall glass door and went inside. Harley's eyes squinted to adjust to the sudden intensity of the fluorescent lights. The floor was black, with six rows of white shelves and walls stretching back several yards. To their left was a counter with a black top, cash register, candy bars, gum, drinks, and sun glasses. An elderly man with white hair and a mustache stood behind the counter wearing a red apron over a light blue buttoned shirt.

"Ah! What a lovely night to be out on the town! Don't you agree, Honey?" Joker said, throwing up his arms.

"Hey y-you ...two...we're closing," the old man said.

"It'd be a little more 'lovely' if we were actually OUT on the town instead of stuck doing chores!" Harley replied, rolling her eyes.

"Now, Pooh, you know what they say! 'A little work before play makes a happier day!'"

"Hey!" the cashier called out.

"Yeah, well it's your motha' who's got that stinkin' infection!" she said, following him down the first isle.

"I know, Honey-Pooh," Joker said, scratching his chin and inspecting the first shelf of chemicals, "but she's just such a dear..."

"Excuse me!" the old man said, walking up to them, "We're closed now."

"Really?" Joker replied, dropping his jaw, "But it's so early!"

"It's 12:30am and I'm going home," the man said. "Now let's go, now, before I ca-" The man's body smacked against the shelf and dropped to the floor following a swift punch to the face by Harley.

Joker's eyes lit up with delight as he smiled down at the victim. "Now Honey! That wasn't a very polite thing to do!"

"Sorry Puddin,'" Harley said, massaging her knuckles and smirking, "I just couldn't take his blabberin' any longer!"

Chuckling, Joker replied, "Well that makes two of us, Pooh. Be a dear and keep the old man company while I shop around, okay?"

"Sure thing, Puddin'!" she said. Harley stood over the man, punching her right fist into her left hand. "Better stay down if ya know what's good for ya, Gramps."

"Why?" the old man groaned, rubbing his forehead.

Harley laughed and looked down at him. "Because it's fun!"

Joker made quick work of the store shelves, filling up the multiple hidden pockets of his special trench coat with as many chemicals and tools as possible. He soon returned to Harley. "All done!" he said, beaming.

"That was fast," she replied, "You get everything?"

He showed her the contents of his hidden coat pockets. "I think so!" he said, grinning.

"How do ya plan to get at the whole-" She paused, remembering the cashier. "Is that gonna be enough?"

A wicked smile spread across his face as he flashed his teeth at her. "I'm going to mutate the toxin to its most potent form ever! All I need is a few test batches...Then I'll be able to send the whole world into chaos! A very 'happy' chaos ..."

"Hey! What's going on?" a voice called.

Harley peeked around the corner and saw a uniformed police officer with black and grey body armor entering through the front door. She turned back, but Joker was gone.

"Hh...Help!" the old man cried out.

She raised her right arm and made a fist, snarling at the cashier.

"Hey! Stop!" the officer yelled, rounding the corner.

"Ehem!" Joker said, clearing his throat. The officer turned around and was sprayed in the face with a direct blast of Joker Venom gas from within Joker's signature little pink flower on his purple suit. The officer shielded his eyes with both hands and fell back against one of the shelves, spilling its contents everywhere. Within seconds, he dropped to his knees and threw his head back, laughing hysterically. His fists balled up and his body contorted as he writhed on the ground, convulsing with great cackles. "There we go! Put a smile on that sore face!" Joker chuckled.

Harley smiled with delight.

The old man scrambled on his back up against the store shelves. He made several terrified groans from deep within his throat.

"Now, now, old chap! We wouldn't forget you!" Joker said, grinning.

"Ah-ah! Please! No!" the cashier cried, eyes twitching, body trembling.

"You've gotta listen to me old man!" he teased, stepping closer, "We don't want you to walk around in fright tonight! We want you to have a good day! And a fresh new smile will keep you good for awhile!"

"Eh, too much rhyming," Harley remarked.

Joker frowned. "Yeah, I suppose you're right. How's about this...Say Cheese!" Joker said, spraying the man's face with Joker Venom.

"'Say Cheese'?"

"They don't pay me to write catch phrases, Harley," Joker replied.

"They don't pay us at all, Puddin,'" Harley smirked.

Joker grinned back. "Good point, Pooh! That reminds me..." He reached into his pocket and retrieved a pull-pin Joker-Grenade with his likeness on the front. "We don't wanna leave any evidence behind! They might trace our finger prints! Ha! Ha!"

"I love the way ya think, Puddin'!" Harley said, smiling darkly.

"I thought you would!" Joker replied, "Care to help me do the honors?" he asked, tossing her the grenade and pulling another from his coat.

"With...pleasure!" Harley took the grenade and removed the pin, rolling it along the floor towards the back of the store. "Better get a move on, Mistah J! I think I feel a strike comin'!"

"It'll take care of these 'pinheads'!" he said, rolling his own armed grenade down the isle and laughing as they ran out the door. They hurried down the street as fast as they could, darting left onto another road just as the bombs went off. The two explosions lit up the nearby rooftops as the shockwaves rumbled beneath their feet. Glass and shrapnel was audibly thrown through the air as the blasts rattled through the internal walls and blew out the storefront. "Hahahahahaaaa!" Joker rang out.

"It's great to be back, Puddin'!" Harley laughed, running beside him.

"You've got that right, Baby!" he answered.

* * *

_**The duo of havoc-filled ha-ha's is back in action! Get ready, Gotham, these punch lines come in pairs!**_

* * *

**Feel Free to Message me with all of your Comments, Questions, Suggestions, or Concerns via PM or my email!**

**STAY TUNED for Chapter 4: ****_Hired Clowns_****...Coming VERY, VERY SOON! ****_(Progress Updates on my profile!)_**


	4. Chapter 4: Hired Clowns

**Jokingly Ever After**

**Chapter 4: Hired Clowns**

* * *

"So when we gonna get my new babies, Puddin'?" she said, bobbing her right leg up and down over the other. Harley sat dressed in her usual clownish attire on a maple wood stool, leaning back against the wall near the doorway at one end of Joker's personal laboratory. Her left arm rested on a black countertop with multiple sinks and maple wood cabinets above it that spanned the entire perimeter of the room. The walls were white and the floor was black. In the middle of the floor stood an island with a matching black top and a maple wood base where Joker worked around a series of beakers, tweezers, needles, drippers, burners, and other equipment. Clear glass cauldrons and plastic tubes carried within them various quantities of yellow and green liquid that mixed together in a main pot where they boiled.

"Soon, Pooh!" he said, dripping the contents of the main pot onto a slide. He wore an off-white apron over his purple clown suit. "Don't you think this is a little more important..." he whispered, putting the slide under a microscope.

"Yeah, I guess," Harley sighed, shifting in her chair and looking away, "Just kinda boring sittin' here all day..."

Joker adjusted the eyepiece of his microscope. "Well I'd let you out to play but I'm afraid you'd get lost or beat up by the neighbor kids! Haha!"

Harley pouted, putting her fists on her hips. "Very funny Mistah J... After what I've been pullin' alla' these years!"

"Now, Harley...There'll be plenty of time for fun in a little bit," he said. Joker lifted his head from the microscope and picked up a test tube full of dark yellow liquid. "This new Joker Venom's the most potent stuff I've ever cooked up! It takes literally one one-hundredth of a gram to infect someone and spread throughout the body..." he said darkly, flashing a wicked grin, "Imagine the time and money we'll save hauling it around!" he laughed, "All I've got to do now is create a temporary agent that can be used to keep the toxin 'dormant' long enough to ensure it doesn't cause symptoms prematurely." He looked at the test tube, smirking. "After all, we don't want to let our friends overseas in on the little secret until everyone's had the chance to join in the fun!"

She smiled, eyelids drooping. "Whatever ya say, Puddin'...Mmm...Wake me when you're done..." Harley said, leaning forward and resting her head on the counter.

"Sure thing, Pooh," Joker said, mixing the contents of two separate beakers, "And don't worry...You and I will be having a lot more fun here very soon..."

* * *

"So, Honey, How do I look?" Joker said, turning around to her. He wore tan leather boots, blue jean suspenders, a white t-shirt with horizontal blue stripes, and a brown conductor hat. His face was done up again in peach-colored mascara, and he now sported a thick black mustache.

Harley winced. "Not particularly handsome, Mistah J...I gotta say..."

"The point's not to look 'handsome' Harley! The point is to look like a common street bum! A worker! Someone you'd like to hire to work in a bread factory!"

She pursed her lips and raised an eyebrow, then smiled sheepishly. "I...guess it's okay then?" she said, shrugging.

"I just need to look non-threatening," Joker said.

"Is that why I'm dressed like this?" Harley said, gawking down at herself. She wore old, dirt-caked, white tennis shoes, oversized grey sweat pants, and a long-sleeved, red flannel shirt. Her now-blonde-again hair was held up in a bun.

"Exactly! But it's also just hilarious...Ha! Ha!" he smirked.

Harley pouted.

"Oh come on now, Pooh! It's all part of the act!" he said, lighthearted smile falling into a wicked grin, "And it's time to put on Part One of our little 'play'..."

* * *

"My, my! What a crazy city!" Joker said, watching the cars fly by overhead.

"Sure would be fun ta ride one'a those!" Harley replied.

"You bet! We'll have to remember to try that sometime," he smirked, "Now, let's see..." He scanned the surroundings of the futuristic city, with its odd angles, lights, and peculiar, technology-driven architecture. "Everything's so... 'lit up'..." Joker waved to a man who was about to pass by. "Excuse me my good man! Do you happen to know where the Wayne Foods Processing Facility is by any chance?"

The man looked him over and chuckled. "Why? Lookin' for a job?"

"Something like that..." Joker replied.

"Eh it's three blocks down," the man said, pointing with his thumb, "Keep on this road and look to your right...You can't miss it."

Joker flashed a cheesy grin at the man. "Thank you very much, Good Sir! Come on, Honey! Let's go find us a job!" he said. They took off hastily down the crowded sidewalk in the direction of the plant.

Harley looked around at the clean, polished outfits that the rest of the people were wearing. "Geez, Puddin,'" she whispered, "We sure do stick out around here!"

"Now, Honey, we're street bums, remember! Besides...I haven't had a chance to gather outfits from this century yet..."

"Yeah, I guess ya have a point...So ya think everyone's heard about last night yet?"

"Oh, I'm sure we've already given this pathetic little town a little color, but that's nothing compared to the job we're about to do!" he said, grinning. They continued on down the street until they entered a sizeable parking lot with a white warehouse in the center. There were air conditioning units, smoke stacks, and pipes on the roof, and several large loading docks with yellow outlines around the doorways covering the sides of the building. "_Wayne Foods Processing Plant_" was spelled out in black lettering across the front, with a giant "_W_" and the logo for "_Wayne Enterprises_" painted underneath. "Ha, they sure want to make it obvious," Joker said, leading Harley onward through an open doorway.

The sound of air-traffic from speeding cars above was quickly replaced with echoes of men and machinery as they crept inside the brightly-lit warehouse. They walked down a concrete hallway a hundred yards wide, on a single floor with a ceiling that seemed three stories away. "Sheesh! Ya think this place is big enough?" Harley said.

"It does send out batches around the world you know!" Joker said darkly. At the end of the hallway stood a lone security guard in a typical blue uniform with a matching hat, black boots, a radio, and a pistol around his belt.

"Can I help you two?" he called.

"Oh, yes, Sir! We were just hoping we could get a tour around the factory! We're in the market for a new job!" Joker said cheerily.

The security guard gave them a stern look. "We don't just give tours on the spot you know. I'll have to radio in," he said, unclipping it from his belt, "Excuse me. Mr. Macklebee?"

"_Go ahead,_" a voice answered.

"I've got two individuals here who just stopped by looking for work. They'd like a tour of the place. Should I send them in?" There was a short pause.

"_Yeah, send them over to my office,_" the voice said.

"Got it," the guard replied. He clipped the radio back onto his belt and pointed to a small white enclosure to their left. "Alright, you guys see that building over there? That's Mr. Macklebee's office, the general manager. Go and have a talk with him."

Joker nodded.

"Thank you!" Harley said, displaying her own cheesy grin. As they made their way toward the building, she could see the opening to part of the warehouse off to her right, where rows of machinery stood encompassing hordes of people in white aprons and hardhats standing in a typical assembly-line fashion.

"Okay, Pooh, let me do the talking," Joker said, opening the door. They entered the tiny building and stepped into a room with black-tiled floors and plain white walls with large windows that wrapped around the perimeter. A wooden, angled counter stretched along two walls to their left with four computers along it and an office chair sitting in front of each one. Directly in front of them was a man with a light brown goatee and glasses, wearing a white button-down shirt, a red tie, black pants, and black shoes. The man sat behind a tan, metal desk with its own computer and four stacks of paper, talking on a black, cordless phone. Behind him was a large television screen that displayed continually-updating information on imports, exports, exchange rates, employee schedules, and other such data.

"That's 200,000 tons of wheat product and around 150,000 tons of produce going out to Asia this week alone..." the man said, "No, I don't have the exact number on poultry...Deadline for factory production is 10pm Thursday, ships leave the North Docks by 6am Friday... I should have those figures by 1pm today, I just have to get the call in from our distribution centers in Virginia and-...No I'll have that too by then...Okay? Alright, I still have to find out if we're doing that addition to the one heading out to Italy this week...I'll call you back when I do...Okay? 'Kay bye..." As he ended the call, a second, grey-bearded man in dark leather boots, blue jeans, and a green button-down shirt entered the office from a room in the back.

"Why don't we own the South Docks yet..." the man in the green shirt complained.

"Blame the city," the man at the desk said, "Over thirty years now those docks have sat unused, and the mayor's still saying he plans to create another park over there as part of his little 'beautification' project."

"Ha," the second man laughed, "Sure looks beautiful right now!...And who wants to take their kids over there and get mugged?"

The man at the desk shook his head. "I dunno...At least we'd be able to bring on our own private security. There's no way you're telling me we have the manpower to police that whole area and still keep an adequate patrol on the rest of Gotham."

"There's always batman..."

"Yeah," the man at the desk laughed, rubbing the bridge of his nose, "I'm sure he'd love to pick up the extra responsibility..." He turned his attention to Joker and Harley. "Well, Hello there!" he said.

Joker gritted his teeth in a cheesy grin. "Hi there, Good Sir! My name's Frank and this here's Petunia, my darling wife. We're new to this area and have been out on a job hunt for the past week or so. A gentleman on the street told us that we might find work here..."

For a moment, the man at the desk simply stared, leaning back in his chair and narrowing his eyes. "I see," he said, scratching his chin, "Well you guys don't mind working long hours now and then, do ya?"

"Of course not!" Joker replied, "And we're available any time of the day or night too!"

"Any day huh? Well we'll see what we can do," he said, standing up and leaning across the desk with an outstretched hand, "I'm George Macklebee, the general manager here. This is Ed, one of our mechanics and machinery technicians. He'll show you both around today."

"Delightful!" Joker said, shaking George's hand, "I'm sure we'll do just fine here!"

"Not much of a talker huh?" George said, shaking Harley's hand.

"Oh, I just...sorta like ta keep things to myself until its necessary..." Harley replied.

George laughed. "Yeah? Well that's good then. It'll keep ya outta trouble. Keep ya out of the gossip-line. Alright Ed, take 'em away!"

"Will do," Ed said, shaking both of their hands, "Alright guys, follow me." He led them out of the office and across a balcony overlooking rows of workers and machinery below. "This here's our wheat-product assembly line and prep-ovens. Everything from raw dough, to cake, to cookies, to pies, to cereal, to spaghetti is made here."

"Ah, I see! Well I think that's very much so something that I'd like to do! Help with the pies and cakes..." Joker said.

"Oh yeah?" Ed said, raising an eyebrow, "Well you know I can't have both of you working down there at the same time. When you're couples an' all, family, friends, the company doesn't want that influencing your work."

"That's okay!" Harley cut in, "I wanna go do produce anyway!"

Ed turned to her, then nodded his head. "Alright. If that's what ya'll wanna do." He pointed to a man in a blue botton-down shirt and a white hardhat down on the lower floor behind the workers. "That there's Steve, the 'bread man,' he'll show what you need to do."

Joker flashed them a big, cheesy smile. "Sounds good. Well, I guess I'll see you in a little bit, Honey."

"Lata' Frank," Harley said, holding in a laugh. They waved goodbye to Joker as he descended down the steps.

"Alright, Petunia, follow me," Ed said. He led her down a long hallway with concrete floors and plain white walls with large windows along them every few feet. The end of the tunnel gave way to another huge room the size of the previous one, with a three-story high ceiling and a distance across that was hundreds of yards wide. They stood on an upper level overlooking a lower floor of workers again in a scene that was very much similar to the one they'd just left. "Ah good, John's here," Ed said, looking to a man at the far end of the platform. The man wore a blue button-down shirt and a white hardhat, just like Steve.

"_Sheesh...Talk about a dress code!_" Harley thought.

"Hey John!" Ed called. The man waved them over. "This here's John, the 'veggie man.' He's gonna be your boss while you work down here."

"Don't worry. I don't bite!...Unless it's 4 o'clock on a Thursday and we don't have anything done!" John laughed, shaking Harley's hand.

"Petunia here's new to the area and is looking for a little cash. She said she's available any time of the day or night, all week!" Ed said.

"Very nice!" John replied, smiling. "Well, Petunia, I'm sure we can use ya."

"I gotta get back down to the docks," Ed said, "We're still havin' problems with the #8 Barge. I'll see ya later. Petunia, nice meeting you!" Ed tipped his hardhat and walked back off into the tunnel.

"See ya Ed!" Harley waved, "Okay, boss, so what do I do?"

"Come here," John said, motioning to the railing overlooking the floor below, "You'll be down there for awhile, packaging goods on that assembly line. We get a lot of orders here so it's important for you to keep up. Here, I want you to see something first though." He led her over to the to the far right corner of the railing near a gigantic metal machine with a hopper on top. They peered down into the abysmal funnel of the machine, watching as webs of high-pressured water danced wildly across its walls. "This here's our produce-washer, which would burn through thousands of gallons of water a day if it wasn't for our award-winning water recycling system, which reuses the same water within the tank again and again. Everything that comes through this part of the factory gets washed in this tank first. Wayne Foods receives produce from over 40 countries worldwide and redistributes its food products to over 120 countries. This machine ensures that all of our perishable produce is clean and consistent with our industry-leading standards of product quality."

"Oooh," Harley said, staring into the hopper. She reached into her pocket and unscrewed the lid on an eye drop bottle full of Joker Venom.

"That there's the loading bay for our new shipments," John said, pointing to the lower floor.

Harley watched to make sure his back was to her as she leaned over the railing. She cupped the bottle inside both of her hands and held them below her chin, waiting for the right moment. As a blast of water shot spray near her face, she squeezed hard on the bottle, emptying its contents into the camouflage of the mist down into the hopper.

Meanwhile, Joker employed a similar technique, emptying the contents of his bottle into the belly of a machine that was used to rinse off wheat seeds. Both he and Harley followed through with the rest of their respective tours and met together in Mr. Macklebee's office three hours later.

"So, you think you two will be able to handle the job?" Mr. Macklebee asked.

"Absoutely!" Joker said, raising his thumb, "I think this is the best job we'll have had in ages!"

"I agree!" Harley said.

"Well we'll get you to fill out some paperwork tomorrow. Be back here by 6am. Sound good?" Mr. Macklebee said.

"Peachy," Joker replied.

"Alright. See ya then," Mr. Macklebee said, shaking their hands.

* * *

"We're done with that place now, right Puddin'?" Harley asked.

He smiled wickedly as they crossed the parking lot. "Yes, Honey...We're done. That venom's got enough punch in it to knock out an entire country's population if it went through in one full swoop. And the best part is, with that water-recycling system they've got in place, that batch of venom's gonna get spread out across the entire production line! A hundred times over! Haha!"

Harley sighed in relief. "Yeesh! Good! I couldn't stand that place! That was really tough!" she said, wrapping herself around his arm, "So did I do good, Puddin'?" she asked.

Joker kissed the top of her head. "You did wonderful, Pooh."

* * *

They made their way through the city and back to the South Docks, where a white, armed police boat and two officers in matching blue uniforms and sunglasses stood waiting for them.

"You two, over here," one of the officers said, "Where did you get that boat?" He pointed to the white speedboat tied up under the dock several feet away.

"Why, I bought it from a gentleman just yesterday!" Joker said, smiling innocently.

The officers looked to each other. "Funny," one of them said, "I got a report a few days ago about a boat just like that, that was stolen. The victims described a couple as being the thieves. Even though you don't quite match their description, the boat had the same identity number."

Joker and Harley looked to each other.

"What are you doing hiding it under the dock over there?" one of the officers said, "Kind of silly, don't you think?"

Joker smiled. "Of course! It's a joke!"

"Did you hear that, Tom?" one of the officers said, laughing and nudging the other with his elbow, "It's a joke! Nothing wrong here!"

"We like jokes!" Harley said, grinning sheepishly.

"I'll bet you do," Tom said, "And you'll have plenty of time to think up more, in prison."

"Now, wait a second!" Joker said, holding up his hands, "I've got the proof of purchase for this boat right here!"

"Get on now," Tom demanded, unclipping a pistol from his belt.

"Okay, okay!" Joker said, nodding to Harley. They walked forward and stepped slowly aboard the police vessel. "Can I just show you that purchase form real quick?" Joker asked.

"Let's have it," the unnamed officer said.

Joker reached into his left pocket and slipped his fingers into the pins of three grenades that were held to his body through a section of fabric sewn into the pants.

"Slowly," Tom said, raising the pistol.

Joker slid his hand slowly backward, removing the pins from the tiny, golf ball-sized grenades, which in turn released them. The mini grenades dropped through a hole in the pocket and rolled down his left pant leg as he lifted his foot into the air. "Whoopsie!" he said, waving his foot around and letting the grenades spill onto the deck. The officers snapped their heads to the left in reaction to the sound of the grenades dropping to the ground. He pushed Harley off the boat and leapt into the water, paddling frantically forward under the surface. Harley held her breath and propelled herself through the water beside him. Shockwaves suddenly ran through them as three distinct explosions echoed out from above. They breeched the surface for air and looked upon the scene. The boat was in flames, and the windows blown out, as the bodies of the officers floated lifelessly nearby.

"Ha! That oughtta keep us outta the slamma' another day!" Harley beamed.

Joker grinned maliciously as the light from the flames danced across his face.

"Hey, Puddin'?" Harley said softly.

"Hmm?" Joker said, turning to her.

"Thanks for savin' me," she said, tilting her head and smiling bashfully.

"Oh, Pooh, you don't have to thank me! I don't know where I'd be without my little Harley-Quinn!" he said, smiling. Joker swam up and wrapped an arm around her waist as they both continued to tread water. "Mwwah," he said, kissing her cheek, "We'd better get moving...It's going to get a bit shaky again when that gas tank erupts!" he chuckled. They boarded the speedboat and set off for the island, Harley hugging him tightly all the way home.

* * *

_**Who knew death and destruction could be so sweet and romantic? And what a plan these two are cookin' up!**_

* * *

**Feel Free to Message me with all of your Comments, Questions, Suggestions, or Concerns via PM or my email!**

**STAY TUNED for Chapter 5: ****_Loony Lovers_****...Coming VERY, VERY SOON! ****_(Progress Updates on my profile!)_**


	5. Chapter 5: Loony Lovers

**Jokingly Ever After**

**Chapter 5: Loony Lovers**

* * *

"_Reports say that the officers were conducting a preliminary investigation into a case involving the theft of a stolen speedboat a few days ago in the little-used waters of Gotham's South Harbor. After failure to establish contact with the officers following dozens of reports from concerned citizens about a series of explosions heard in the area, a second patrol vessel was sent to the scene, only to find that the previous boat's gas tank had erupted, killing both of the officers_..."

"Well that isn't terribly cheery," Joker said, smashing a red boxing glove on his right hand into the radio. The device flew across the room and shattered into a dozen pieces on the far wall.

"Ya think they're on to us yet, Puddin'?" Harley asked, sitting on the left arm of Joker's purple armchair with her legs crossed. She was dressed in her classic clown outfit again.

He smiled at her, dressed in his usual purple suit, removing the boxing glove. "Nah...There's no way those idiots are connecting the dots yet! We haven't left enough! Besides...They think it was some sort of vehicle malfunction. Haha!"

Harley smiled. "So whadda we do now, Mistah J?"

Joker scratched his chin, pacing the room, which had cream-colored walls and a grey floor with a red throw rug in the center. "It'll take two weeks for that Joker Venom to take effect. I made it so there'd be enough time for it to ship in the contaminated food, sell on the store shelves, and hopefully find its way into the bellies of our victims," he smiled, "Once it does take effect, every single person who consumed the food on this planet will be up in smiles!" Joker displayed a wicked grin, then went back to scratching his chin. "It'll make the perfect day to mark our arrival in this timeline, but I'd like for it to be a little more. I want to do something really long lasting, like blow up Gotham City Hall or something!...But that would take henchmen, and more planning, and the risk of exposing ourselves! How on earth are we going to get into that building...and then there's the bombs we'd have to steal...We'd never make it out of one of those military bases with a truckload of weapons! Not without the Batman on our tail! We're simply not ready for him yet..." he said, slumping over. Joker fell down into his armchair and pounded his right fist on the black oak table beside it. "Darn! If only I'd planned this all better...I'd could've stashed away more bombs!" he frowned.

"Awe, Puddin'!" Harley said, plopping into his lap, "What about a remote-control?"

He raised an eyebrow at her.

"This is the future right? Why can't ya just take over the weapons an' at with some sorta' big computer or something? Like ya did with that satellite you was tellin' me about the otha' night," she said, tracing circles on his chest with her right index finger.

Joker's eyes went up to the ceiling. "Hmm...Remote-control Gotham?" His eyes flashed with light. "Yeees! I can see it! Surely if that particular weapon system operated via a wireless transmission, there's bound to be others! Perhaps all of Gotham's defense systems operate off of one!" A dark smile came over his face. "A little too much reliance on technology will come back and bite you in the butt if you're not too careful..."

Harley clenched her fists and grinned giddily.

"I'll bet you all we have to do is acquire the right signal, and we could have this whole area's military strength right in the palm of our hands...Ha! Ha!"

"Ooo! You're so hot when you're bein' all bad, Puddin'!" Harley said, smiling widely.

He grinned and looked slowly up the length of her body. "Why thank you my little Harley-Pooh! You're not too un-sexy yourself..." he said, pulling her in for a kiss.

* * *

They stepped out of the dimly-lit skyscraper into the bright midday light. "Ah!" Joker said, throwing his arms into the air and stretching, "Wasn't that fun?" He wore a black suit and dress shoes with a red tie, and his face was covered in peach makeup again.

"Speak for yourself!" Harley said, carrying a pair of brochures, flyers, and t-shirts in her arms. Her hair flowed down to her shoulders elegantly over a form-fitting black dress and matching heels.

"Oh, come on now, Pooh! That was a very classy little tour! And just look at the awesome freebies we scored!" he said, picking up a charcoal-colored t-shirt and holding it up. The "_Wayne Enterprises_" logo was spelled in silver lettering across the front. "Blah!" he said, sticking his tongue out, "Remind me to burn this when we get home."

"How's about we just get ridda' them now!" Harley said, taking the shirt from him and tossing it along with the other items into a nearby trash can. "There! Good riddance..." she said, dusting off her hands.

"Now, Honey, try not to be too down! After all...they were very informative!" he said, smirking darkly as they started off down the sidewalk.

"Yeah, I guess..." Harley sighed, fixing the strap on her little black purse.

"Hard to believe that you can get a personal tour of Wayne Technologies within hours after just a simple phone call," he grinned.

"They mustn't get too many visitors..." she remarked.

Joker stopped and grabbed her by the shoulders. "Honey, what's wrong?" He took his thumbs and spread her lips apart. "You should be smiling! This gets us one step closer to accomplishing our plan!"

Harley looked up at him with her big, blue eyes, then gazed away. "I know, Puddin'...I'm sorry. I'm just not...havin' any fun right now, ya know?" she said, looking back up at him.

Joker swallowed and smiled timidly. "I know...But you know it takes awhile to set up for a good punch line! We'll have our fun...just wait and see!"

She stared at him for a moment.

He stared back.

Harley threw her arms around him and buried her head in his chest.

Joker stared at her wide-eyed for a moment, then wrapped her up in an embrace.

"I'm sorry Puddin'! I'm just a bad girl who wants ta have it all too soon!" she said, sniffling.

"Oh, Pooh, you're doing fine! Really! This is a much longer caper than anything we've ever tried to pull off in the past! But just think of the rewards!" he chuckled evilly.

Harley gazed up at him with wet eyes.

He took his right hand and slowly lifted her chin, looking deep into her ocean-colored orbs. "And when the whole world goes up in laughs, you'll be right there with me, my little Clown Princess."

"I love you," she said, moving closer.

Joker closed the distance and kissed her.

"Hey get a room you two!" a voice called out, passing them by.

Joker held his hand out and clenched his fist as they pulled apart, then released the tension on his hand and smirked. "You know...The old me would've probably killed that guy outright! But that'd spoil the surprise..." he said, grinning maliciously.

Harley smirked. "We definitely don't wanna do that, Puddin'!" She held out her hand. "Come on! I'm with ya every step of the way Babe!"

He looked to her hand, then smiled and took it in his own. "That's my little Harley-Quinn!" he said, squeezing it lightly as they took off down the street.

* * *

"Can I help you?" the man behind the counter said. He was overweight and partly bald with brown hair and thick, black-rimmed glasses. His uniform consisted of black dress shoes, kaki pants, and a black button-down shirt that had the name, "_Ron_," typed across it.

Joker scanned the inner workings of the small electronics shop. There was a red carpet and white walls, with four rows of matching white shelves running a few feet back into the store, covered with clusters of odd ends and appliances. He turned to the man, who stood near a cash register behind a glass display counter that was full of newly-released items. "Why yes," he said, peering down at the nametag, "'Ron,' I'm currently in the market for a standard hacking device for my daughter's computer...She's been a bit 'naughty' disregarding our rules about play time and hasn't been doing her homework... and I'd like the ability to see just what she's been up to..." Several other customers were now staring at them. "Mind your own darned business!" Joker said.

"Yeah! It's tough bein' a parent..." Harley said, pretending to pout.

Ron lowered his eyes and squinted at them. "Hmm...I think you two had better come with me," he said, "I might have it back here..."

Joker gave Harley a cheesy 'thumbs-up' and led her into a back room where Ron had gone.

"Okay, shut the door," Ron said.

Joker obliged, delicately closing the red, metal door. He looked around at the grey shelves and wooden boxes that littered the concrete floor with piles upon piles of discarded gadgets.

"First, let's be reasonable, you're not really after one of these to check on your little kid...Are ya?" Ron said, picking up a small black box.

Joker eyed the ceiling and rocked back and forth on the heels of his feet. "Weeell...Not reeeeaaally..."

"I knew it," Ron said, "I've been in the business for over 15 years. I've seen it all. What are you looking to do, break into the government's website and steal back your tax money?"

"Ya think we could?" Harley said cheerily.

Ron smirked. "Not with most devices, but with this little baby...it just might be possible." He walked over and handed Joker the box. It was a small device with a tiny screen, buttons, and several different plug-in ports built into it. "This is a Falconian Demixer, or 'Falcon-D' for short, LexCorp began drafting the design functions of it back in the day before they were bought out by Wayne Enterprises. Now, there wasn't a whole lotta publicity about 'em because the device never got beyond the preliminary drafting stages before LexCorp went and liquidized their assets. Somehow, and I don't know how, the blueprints disappeared and ended up in the hands of some private contractors, who tried to pawn off the device to the military some years ago. Eventually, one of them got accepted, but the government had a major investigation and passed legislation banning the development and creation of these things outside of their own institutions, for security purposes. Little did they know, a few of these babies in the early development and prototype stages got out and our in the hands of some privileged individuals, such as myself."

Joker's eyes lit up.

"Now," Ron said, "I'm not gonna tell you how I came into owning one of these, but I can tell by your outfits that you mean business. So, I'm gonna make you an offer. Five million dollars, and you can hack into any government or military installation your little heart desires...with a little reprogramming of course...I assume you've got someone set aside for that already?"

"As a matter of fact I do," Joker replied, grinning.

"Good, well let's talk money then," Ron said.

"Absolutely!" Joker said, "But first, can you show me what this part does?" He pointed at a button on the device. As Ron leaned in closer, Joker squeezed a white flower on his suit, spraying Ron with a direct hit of Joker Venom. Ron backed up immediately, covering his face and coughing. The coughs soon turned to laughs as Ron dropped to his knees and began convulsing on the floor. "A pleasure doing business..." Joker said, smirking wickedly as he stood over Ron.

"You're such a great negotiata'!" Harley said, smiling.

"Why thank you, Honey! Help me close the deal by pulling out those 'toys' I asked you to bring along, would you?"

"Sure thing Puddin'!" she said, removing two golf ball-disguised grenades from her purse and tossing them over.

"Ah, perfect!" Joker said, catching them, "I've always been told that the best way to settle a little dispute over money is with a quick 18 holes...Unfortunately, we won't be able to make it to the green today, but I should still be able to create some 'holes' for this man all the same! Haha!"

Harley smirked, pulling two more of the grenades from her purse and holding one in each hand. She pressed her thumbs down on the activation buttons, setting their timers. "Ya got that right, Puddin'! This is one game even I can get into..."

He grinned at her, flashing his teeth. "Let's give this place a sunroof..." Joker said, arming his two grenades. They dropped the bombs and threw open a door in the back of the room, setting off a fire alarm. Joker and Harley ran from the building into a narrow alley and several buildings down before ducking quietly back onto the crowded main sidewalk out front. "Act natural," Joker whispered from the corner of his mouth, shoving his hands into his pant pockets.

Harley pursed her lips and looked innocently up into the sky, walking beside him as the bombs went off. People screamed as four explosions rumbled through the street, blowing out and shattering the windows of nearby shops. She turned around with him, widening her eyes.

"Oh dear, Honey! What do you suppose happened?" Joker said, dropping his jaw and holding his right palm up to his face.

"I dunno, Puddin'! I sure hope everyone's okay!"

"Me too, Darling, me too...Oh I'd love to stay and help out, but we have to get to our clients' meeting in less than an hour! Oh I'm sure the nice people of this city will help them out...Come along, Pooh, we're running late..." he said, grabbing her hand and casually strolling away.

* * *

"Finally, the untimely demise of Gotham...sitting right in my hands!" Joker said, grinning maliciously at the Falcon-D device.

Harley winced as the metal door to their hideout screeched shut. "Well, that was fun...drivin' all the way over from the North Docks just ta avoid another police cruisa'!" she said, rolling her eyes. She looked to Joker and frowned, letting her shoulders droop. "I guess you've got your new toy now, Puddin'..." she said, looking to the ground, "I'll just leave you two alone then..." Harley kicked off her heels and began to walk away. "I think I'll just go ta bed..." she sniffled.

"Not so fast, Harley-Pooh! I've got one more little errand that I'd like you to help me run!" he said, grinning widely.

She threw her arms up. "Awe, but Puddin'! I'm really not in the mood right now...I just..."

"Harely," Joker said, sticking out his lower lip and frowning, "I thought you were with me in this 'every step of the way'!"

Her eyes shot wide open. "I am, Puddin'! I was just tired! I'll..." Harley's eyelids dropped as she gave him a look. "Alright, Mistah J, you win...Whaddya want me ta do..."

* * *

"Harley! I can't steer the boat when you grab at me like that!" Joker said, trying to retain control of the craft as they sped across the bay.

"Oh Puddin' I'm sorry!" Harley said, squeezing him tight, "I just can't balieve you're gonna do this for me!" she said, nuzzling his face and kissing him on the cheek.

"Now Pooh, of course you didn't think I'd forget!" Joker chuckled, "It was just a matter of tiiime! And you've been such a good girl, helping out with the plan and all...I think it's about time you got a little reward! Besides...You'll need something to entertain yourself with while I work on that device and we could both use a little crime-induced stress relief right about now!"

She squeezed him tighter, smiling wide. "You're the best sweetheart a girl could eva' ask for!"

"You're darned right I am," Joker laughed, propelling the boat onward through the moonlight towards the shipping warehouses and industrial barges of Gotham's North Docks.

* * *

"So whaddya think, Puddin'? Do I pull off the shorts?" Harley teased, throwing her hips out and placing her hands on her butt. She wore tan leather boots, tight kaki shorts, and a matching kaki button-down t-shirt. Her blonde hair was done up in its typical pigtail style.

"Deliciously. Just wait until we get back home," Joker replied, smirking. He wore a similar kaki uniform, with somewhat longer shorts and a matching safari hat. A steel tranquilizer rifle was slung around his back, and he had a brown ammo-bag on his left hip.

Harley giggled. "Oh don't worry, Puddin'...I won't forget."

"Okay," Joker said, un-slinging the gun into his hands, "I think it's time we asked for directions again." He took off smirking down the boardwalk towards the streetlights, Harley close behind. They burst out onto a main street, cutting off a man on the sidewalk. "Excuse me! We're part of Metropolis' Animal Control Team, and have been sent here to help deal with the escape of one of the tigers from the Gotham City Zoo. Could you please tell us the fastest way to get there?"

The startled man, who wore white tennis shoes and a full grey jumpsuit, swallowed and said, "Just take this street out here and hang a left! You're only a few blocks down!"

"Thaaanks," Joker said, flashing a cheesy grin, "Now do stay inside, okay?"

"I-I'm going right now!" the man said, taking off.

"Oh, and Sir?" Joker said, raising the rifle. The man turned around and froze, eyes wide. "Have a nice nap," Joker said, shooting him in the chest with a tranquilizer dart. At first, the man stared at Joker, then his gaze drifted down to the dart in his chest. Blinking slowly, the man began to sway, finally collapsing on the hard pavement. "Haha!" Joker laughed, "That stuff's got enough power in it to knock out an elephant...If it doesn't kill him outright, he'll sure be in one helluva coma!"

"What are we gonna do with him?" Harley asked.

"Nothing! Except maybe...move him out of the way!" Joker said, kicking the man out of the street and into the shadows against a nearby building.

"What if they check for fingerprints?" she asked.

"Hmm...Well there won't be any on this body!" he said, pulling the dart out and throwing it into an empty compartment on the ammo-bag.

"What about the description- Oh...right...the coma..." she said.

"Honey...Loosen up! You're more paranoid about being found out than I am! Besides...At this rate, by the time they've figured out who we are...it'll be much too late," he said, grinning darkly.

Harley smiled back.

"Alright then, let's go!" he said. They made their way through downtown Gotham, slinking in and out of the nighttime shadows.

"There!" Harley said, pointing to a complex across the road. There was a large iron gate that sat in the middle of a ten foot tall brick fence spanning out in each direction several hundred yards. Above the gate rose a brick archway with light-colored lettering that read, "_Gotham Central Zoo_," across the top. "Huh...Kinda old-fashioned considerin' the time we're in..."

"The rustic feel probably helps attract tourists!" Joker said, smirking, "Come on, let's go say 'hello.'" They approached the iron gate and peered inside. Directly behind the gate and off to the left sat a one-room brick building with a large window on its outward-facing wall. Through the window, they could see pulsating blue light rays from a television set dance across the face of a heavyset security guard in a typical blue police uniform. Joker and Harley waved cheerily at the man until he noticed and stood up.

"Can I help you?" the guard said, opening the door to his shack and stepping towards the gate.

"Actually, you can! We were sent for by members of this zoo to deal with a recent animal breakout. It would be ever so helpful if you could lend us a hand by allowing us access to your fine park so that we may continue our work..." Joker said.

"What are you talking about?" The guard asked, pushing his hat back and scratching his head. He had a dark-colored beard and a silver stud in his left ear. "There's no animals loose in this park tonight! Is this some kind of joke?"

Joker grinned widely. "As a matter of fact, it is! We're out pranking all of the local zoos tonight! I knew I couldn't pull one over on you! Haha! Now, since it's a joke, you'd best get yourself ready...because here comes the punch line!" he said, removing the rifle from his back and sliding it into his arms.

The guard reached for the gun on his belt, but was halted by the impact of two tiny tranquilizer darts to the neck. Shuddering, the guard looked to Harley, who held a shiny, silver pistol in both hands.

Joker held the rifle in his left hand, and placed his right hand over his mouth. "Dear me...Did I forget to tell you! I'm not the one delivering the punch line! I'm just the clever distraction!" he chuckled. Joker turned to Harley as the guard hit the ground. "Wonderful shot, Pooh! Although, I don't know if two darts were really necessary..."

Harley shrugged. "Meh...He's a big fella' ...I figured it wouldn't hurt!...much," she smirked.

He smiled, reaching between the bars of the gate. "Security guards, when will they ever learn? All these decades later and they're still putting the keys right on their belt!" he said, unclipping them and pulling them back through. Joker unlocked the gate and removed darts from the guard's neck, placing them in his ammo bag. "Now let's see," he said, poking his head into the guard's one-room shack. "Ah! A nursery! Can't be more obvious than that!" he laughed, "This way..." They took off down the main sidewalk and to the left, towards a large white building with a dome roof. In front of the main doorway was a sign dark brown sign with light-colored lettering that read, "_Animal Nursery & Rehabilitation Center_." Joker reached into his ammo bag and pulled out two latex gloves. He slipped them on and paused, then let out a sigh. "You know, Honey, when we do this, we're going to have to get out of here fast. Breaking into here will likely trip some sort of silent alarm or something. And there's a chance...they might not have what we're looking for," he said. He paused again, then turned. "Harley?"

She stood there, hands clasped under her chin, smiling. "Puddin,' I don't care if I neva' get another pair a' hyenas!" Harley swallowed, "Just you going outta your way like this for me melts my crazy little heart!" Her eyes sparkled with moisture in the moonlight as she rocked around on the heels of her feet, cupping her hands behind her back. "So let's just do this job and get it done so I can get ya back home and all ta myself again, okay my Puddin,' Clown Prince?"

"Harley," Joker said, smiling.

"Yeah?" she said, breathing deep.

He pushed the door open. "We're in!" They looked at each other in silence, eyelids growing heavy. "Come on, Pooh," Joker finally whispered, "Let's get this job done..." He stepped inside and flipped a switch, shedding light upon a white tiled floor in a narrow hallway that was filled with enclosures capped off with black mesh fencing. "Hmm...Now where would they keep 'em," Joker said, rubbing his chin and walking forward. He jumped at the sudden shriek of a nearby animal, only to turn and find it was Harley.

"P-...D-...Ah!" she gasped, kneeling in front of one of the enclosures. Harley pointed frantically with her right hand and covered her mouth with her left. "Aren't they just the most adorable things ya ever did see?" she said, cupping her hands together below her chin.

Joker raised an eyebrow. "Don't these guys have spots?" he asked, looking down at the pair of black, big-eared puppies curled up on a blue blanket together asleep.

"Not when they're this little, Puddin'!" Harley said. "Oh, there gonna grow up to be such good babies!"

He laughed at the comment. "As long as they learn to eat our intruders..." he smirked.

"Of course!" Harley beamed.

"Alright, Pooh, stand back," Joker said, removing a small pair of lock cutters from the ammo bag.

Harley scooped up the blanket and both puppies into her arms the minute the enclosure was open. She suddenly blinked, "Hey...Whatcha doin' Puddin'?" she asked.

Joker went around to the adjacent enclosures and broke into them also. "Muddying the waters up a bit so that the cops won't understand our motives here...I'm also going to let some of the big animals out too! But that's mostly for fun, haha!"

She smirked and stroked one of the puppies on the head with her finger. "You're so bad, Puddin,'" she said. They ran quickly through the park, breaking the locks and throwing open the doors to the tiger, elephant, gorilla, and lion enclosures.

"I think that should do!" Joker said, putting the lock cutters back in his bag, "We should probably get going...It's gonna get pretty 'wild' up in here!" he laughed. They turned suddenly at the sound of voices echoing through the park, the beams from flashlights waving sporadically amongst the treetops. "This way!" Joker said. He reached into his pocket as they hurried across the complex and pulled out two of the golf ball grenades. "You know I really am becoming far too reliant on these little guys...Oh well! The fun stuff will come later!" He motioned for Harley to duck behind a nearby building, then hurled the two grenades at the ten foot tall brick perimeter wall. Joker hurried and leapt behind the building with them as the bombs went off, blasting a section of the wall out and sending bricks hurtling across the street. They paused for a moment as the dust settled, then scrambled through the hole, darting down a nearby alley.

* * *

_"Police are asking all residents to remain indoors as they work with animal control officials to find and contain the adult animals, which consist of 3 tigers, 4 gorillas, 2 lions, and 1 elephant. They are also working to hopefully find all of the baby animals, including 2 lion cubs, 1 bear cub, and 2 hyena pups that were released in the raid as well. As of now, the whereabouts of the shady pair involved in the break in is still unknown. Security Guard, Jake Nantucket, remains in critical condition-"_

Joker switched off the radio. "Haha! It does me good to see the wonderful affect our renewed presence is having on Gotham..." he said, taking in a deep breath and sighing. He was dressed again in his classic purple suit. As he leaned back in his violet armchair, he suddenly felt two hands slide up his shoulders and down his chest from behind.

"Whatcha doin' Puddin'?" Harley asked.

"Oh just catching up on the news...taking it easy...How are the 'babies' doing?"

"They're both asleep," she whispered seductively, rubbing his chest, "Wanna fool around?"

"Now, Pooh...You know I'd like that...but Daddy's tired...It's been a long da-"

She grabbed the chair and spun it around.

He gazed at her, wide eyed, as she threw out her hips, clad in her clown makeup and hat, wearing black lace lingerie. "Are ya sure ya don't wanna play?" she said, grinning with heavy eyes.

Joker scanned her body and blinked twice, forming his own smile. "You know Harley-Girl...On second thought," he said, smirking, "...I think I can fit this in..."

* * *

_**Crazy love, but love all the same... Hail to the Clown Prince and Princess of Crime!**_

* * *

**Feel Free to Message me with all of your Comments, Questions, Suggestions, or Concerns via PM or my email!**

**STAY TUNED for Chapter 6: ****_Homemade Harlequinade_****...Coming VERY, VERY SOON! ****_(Progress Updates on my profile!)_**


	6. Chapter 6: Homemade Harlequinade

**Jokingly Ever After**

**Chapter 6: Homemade Harlequinade**

* * *

"You two are just so adorable!" Harley cooed, scratching one of the baby hyenas on the stomach with her finger. She was dressed in her usual clown outfit, smiling widely as the two black, big-eared puppies rolled around happily on the fuzzy blue blanket that lined the inside of their wooden-box bed. "I guess I could name ya after Bud and Lou...They were my first babies," she said, sniffling and wiping her right eye, "and I'm sure gonna miss them!" Harley smiled again. "But hey...Ya can't live foreva'! Unless of course ya got a setup like Mistah J and me that is..." she said, smirking. She sighed, cupping both hands together beside her face and staring at the ceiling. "I just can't believe we're back together like this! Who woulda thought...Startin' a family tagether all over again! And whatta guy!" Her eyes watered up as she took in a deep breath and swallowed. "Ya know...Mistah J works so hard...And nobody really appreciates him! All'a the work and planning that goes into a scheme like this...It takes a lotta' time to pull off some of our stunts and get to the laughs! But nobody ever knows that!" She frowned, slowly breaking back into a smile. "They just see two clowns runnin' around blowin' stuff up and causing a bunch'a mayhem...But they don't know, like I do, what a brilliant man Mistah J is!" She blinked her wet eyes. "My Puddin's really a one-of-a-kind guy!" Tears welled up again and slowly tricked out. "And look at what he's done for me! Settin' aside time from his plan just ta make me happy...I'm supposed to be there for him no matter what! One hundred percent! All he's gone and done for me by gettin' you two..." Harley folded her arms and frowned, watching the pups play-fight each other. "But what have I done...complained...He deserves something! I'm supposed to be the sidekick! The partner in all'a this! He should get better than this!" She rubbed her chin and looked to the side. "I'll show him...I'm gonna add to this plan...I'll think of something that really ups the ante on everything...You'll see!" She said, smirking.

"Harley!" Joker called, stepping into the doorway. He wore a brown suit and a matching fedora, his face done up in peach mascara again.

"Right here, Puddin'!" she said, turning around from her spot on the floor.

"Baby, I need to run into town for something," he said, grimacing and fixing the collar on his coat, "That blasted Falcon-D device is light years ahead of anything that I've got stashed up here! There's no way I'll be able to reprogram it with the dinosaurs of computers we've got sitting around this antique shop! I'm gonna have to go find something a bit more 'workable'..." he said.

"Oh...Ya want me to come with ya?"

"No, that's alright. I think it'd be best if you just sit this one out, Harley. I don't plan on being gone very long. And besides, they're probably on the lookout for any 'suspicious couples' wandering around Gotham by now!" he said, half-smiling. His face fell back into a frown. "I'd better just take care of this myself so I can get back here and get back to work. I'll see you later, Pooh," he said, walking off.

"Okay Puddin'! See ya soon!" she called, "I miss him already," Harley whispered, turning back to her puppies. It was a small room, with a cream-colored carpet and white walls, but it suddenly felt a lot bigger. Harley looked around at the bags of puppy food, the water dishes, the brushes, and sighed. "_I really need ta do my part_," she thought. Harley picked up a small, black, squeaking, plush bat toy and tossed it into the box bed. "Play nice with this for awhile Babies...Mommy's gotta little thinkin' ta do..."

* * *

She sat on a maple wood stool, slumped over the black counter-top of an island in the middle of the kitchen with her cheek resting lazily in the palm of her right hand. "Gee...This is tough!" she said. Harley looked around at the light wooden cabinets that lined the far white wall, the stainless steel washing machine, sink, and refrigerator, and the light blue tiled floor. "_This really ain't my gig..._" she thought, "_How am I supposed to figure out a way to better spread a biological weapon across a major city when I don't even have a way to leave this stinkin' island!_" Harley sighed, "This is hopeless..." She tapped the surface of the counter with the tips of her fingers, pursing her lips. "Maybe I'll get an idea if I take a look inside my Puddin's lab..."

* * *

Harley walked the perimeter of the table housing Joker's many toxins. In the cabinets lining the walls of the lab, there were even more containers of his handiwork. Bottles labeled, "_Ha-Ha Gas_," "_Lock-Jaw_," "_Gut Buster_," and "_JV Serum #4_," filled the shelves. "Awe, c'mon! I ain't ever gonna find what I'm lookin' for in this mess!" she said, frowning at the hordes of vials. As her eyes drifted across the tabletops, she saw several green plastic baskets filled with rows of cassette tapes. Harley approached the baskets and pulled out one of the little black tapes. "_Animal Helpers!_'" was written in red ink across the faded white label on the front. "Hmm," she said, spying a charcoal-colored cassette player sitting nearby. She picked up the device, which had a peculiar little yellow smiley-face sticker stuck to the front, and slid in the tape, pushing play. Harley's eyes lit up as she smiled at the sound of her Puddin's familiar voice.

"_Hello? Is anybody there? Testing! Alright enough 'funny business.' Serum #5 was a major bust (whoopee cushion sound)! I think the problem was the lack of proper destabilization following the animal-venom hybrid booonding process. The stuff just fell apart (cow sound)! I mean I want it to find its way out of the hosts eventually and reach out into the environment, but I want it to 'break-down' intact! You know? Tsk-tsk...That's another batch of chemicals for Gotham's pristine Southern Harbor! A.K.A. 'My toxic waste dump'! Haha! ...Now, Serum 6 was a real 'treat' ...Full infectious capabilities remain after a full 10 days slumber inside the host victim! If I could only find a herd of cattle to bleed it out of...Within days, the toxins would secret themselves through the pores and fibers of the animals' skin and become airborne...infecting EV-ery little patron and patsy who stopped by the jolly ol' farm (chuckling)! Ehem...Still not much of a use though...After all, how many people live in the vicinity of a farm? And around Gotham no less! (sigh) Someday I'll figure out how to make this stuff really 'stick' in the hosts long enough for the venom to be eaten! Then they'll see...Hmm...Maybe I could put this stuff in the water and mutate some fish or something...(end tape)."_

Harley stopped the tape and leaned back on the wooden stool she was now sitting on. "Cattle? Sheesh! For someone with the brains ta cook up all of this venom-nonsense, he sure doesn't always come up with the best ways ta use 'em!" She set the cassette player down and folded her arms. "There ain't a cattle farm within miles of this town!" Harley blinked. "At least...There wasn't any around when I last checked! ...Forty some years ago...and I sure as hell doubt there'd be any more now! What with all that fancy space-age crap goin' on out there..." Harley tapped two fingers against her lower lip, looking upward. "There's gotta be somethin' better than cattle he coulda used this stuff on!' She stretched out her right hand and examined her fingertips. "I mean what kind a critter do they got runnin-" Harley, who had begun twirling both hands in the air, stopped and stared, rotating her hands slowly once more, "...or flappin'!" she said, a smile forming, "They got lots a things 'flappin' in Gotham!" Her smile fell into a malicious grin. "Oh, Puddin'...Just wait until ya see what I'm gonna do..."

* * *

"Okay, let's see what we got," Harley said, pulling on a rope. She stood on a rocky outcropping on the edge of the island, tugging on a line that went out into water. The sunlight was right overhead, beating down on her fully-clad clown body. "Ya know, I probably shouldn't be out here like this," she said, "but who's gonna know? I'm just gonna catch a couple'a these guys and head back in- ...Eh! Yuck!" she said, reaching the end of the rope. A steel minnow trap was tied on the end of the line, teaming with hordes of guppies flopping around soggy bits of bread. "And he said the fishin' was bad in this part'a Gotham!" Harley gagged. She threw the trap onto the sandy beach behind her and reached for another line. After bagging four loads of minnows, Harley knelt down. "Okay," she said, panting, "Now for the part that I really won't like." She took each trap and emptied its contents into a single, five-gallon bucket. Harley then took three vials marked, "_JV Serum #6_," from her pocket and poured them in with the fish, stirring things around with a stick. "Sure hope this isn't overkill," she said. Harley took the bucket to the top of a rocky hill where several seagulls and pigeons were squabbling and dumped it out, keeping her distance. She covered her face with her arms as the flock of birds swarmed over the fish, carefully backing away. "There," Harley said, smiling and placing a hand on her hips, "In a couple'a days, those birds will be all over Gotham, and Puddin's special venom right along with it! Ha! I am good!" she said, folding her arms. Harley blinked her eyes open suddenly. "Oh shoot! I forgot to make dinner!"

* * *

"Honey, I'm home!" Joker called, walking down the hallway, "And it's been a rough one," he mumbled. He had a silver laptop computer tucked under his left arm. "Unbelievable really what a man has to go through to do a little bit of stealing these days," he sighed. Joker set down the laptop on a nearby violet coffee table and retrieved his hat. He then took off his matching brown leather jacket and walked over to a golden, metal coat rack, where he spotted a yellow sticky note. In the top left corner was a smiley face with pigtails and hearts around it, and in the bottom right was a bat with crossed-out eyes. The message in between them was written in red ink, and said, "_Dear Puddin,' I hope you had good time out today and got all that you needed for the plan! I put dinner in the microwave and promise to stay out of your hair while you work on that thing. Yours Forever, Harley. P.S. I have a surprise for ya!_" He raised an eyebrow. "Hmm, I'm not so sure I like surprises..." he said. Joker picked up the laptop and went down the hallway in search of her. He found Harley in the room where the hyenas were being held, on her back, fast asleep, with the puppies curled up in her arms. Joker looked down at her and pursed his lips, then scratched his head and looked to the side. "_Doesn't look much like there's any surprises in store...I'll...be right back_," he thought.

Joker went and washed his face, put on his purple suit, and walked back past the room. As he watched the movement of her chest rise and sink and the calmness in her expression, a smile came over his face. "_Maybe I'll let her nap a bit longer_," he thought, swallowing. Joker was suddenly aware of a tension in his stomach, causing him to reach down and cover it with his left hand. "_Mmm...Maybe I'll take advantage of that dinner too while I'm at it..._"

* * *

He opened the microwave and removed a steaming hot plate of fish and potatoes. "Mm, Mm! Well...Harley doesn't get around to cooking fresh fish very often!" He set the plate down on the island counter-top and pulled up a stool. "Then again...Maybe that's the surprise! Seeing as I love fish and she hates fish, it's not very common to get a decent meal of it out of her these days!" Joker scratched his head, eyeing the food. "But where in the hell did she get fresh fish at anyway?" He shrugged, cutting a piece of the fillet up and popping it into his mouth. "_How divine!_" he thought. As he looked around at the humbly-arranged kitchen, Joker noticed a familiar hat and blue eyes peeking around the doorway. "Harley-Pooh! Get in here!" he said cheerily.

Harley stepped in front of the doorway and held both hands cupped behind her back. "Hi Puddin,'" she said, displaying a timid little smile.

"This is the most exquisite dish you've cooked in awhile, Pooh! Where ever did you find this little guy?"

"I caught him myself today while you was out shoppin,'" she replied, looking to the floor.

"You caught Daddy a fresh fish for dinner? Oh, Harley, that's so nice of you! What a wonderful little surprise to come home to..." he said, taking another bite.

"Heh!" Harley swallowed, "And that's not the best part...That's not even the surprise!" she said, smiling sheepishly.

Joker swallowed, then let his mouth hang open. "It's...not?"

"Uh-uh!" she said, grinning widely.

"Harley," he said, drumming his fingers on the table.

"O-Okay," she began, rocking back and forth on the heels of her feet, "So ya remember how we put that venom into all'a the food and that going out of that Wayne Enterprises building? Well I got to thinking...What if that doesn't cover enough? What if the people here don't eat it all and we have ta deal with 'em still!" Harley swallowed, "So, I went looking around in your lab and I found this '_Venom_ _6_' stuff that apparently makes your little Joker Venom airborne after 10 days...I got ta thinking about how I could use it and I realized that we could put it into all'a the birds in Gotham and have them spread your stuff around!"

His expression had now gone from impatient to interested.

"So I caught a bunch'a these fish outside, see, and mixed them up with the venom. Then I fed the fish to all'a these birds that are now gonna fly around Gotham and spread your stuff around!" she said, throwing up her arms. Harley paused and slowly retracted her limbs back to her sides. "A-after about 10 days or so, of course, I...I didn't wanna ruin the plan we already got goin..."

Joker stood up, raising an eyebrow at her. "Harley..."

"Yes Puddin'?" she said, smiling sheepishly again.

"You mean to tell me that you snuck into my lab while I was gone, stole my chemicals, and used them on a plan that didn't even have my approval!" he said, stepping closer and releasing a low growl.

Her eyes widened as she looked up at him. "Puddin' I just wanted ta help! After everything you did for me yesterday I just wanted to-"

He grabbed both of her hands in his own.

"I just wanted to help out and be a part'a the plan and show ya I could! I'm sorry! It was supposed ta be a good surprise!" She stared at him.

Joker stared back, a smile breaking through on his face as he suddenly burst out laughing and threw his head back.

"Puddin'?" she swallowed.

"Ah, Harley!" he said, wiping his eye, "What you did takes motzy! It takes guts! Sneaking into the Joker's lab and messing with his chemicals is not something I'd advise someone to do..." he teased.

"I'm sorry, Puddin'...I dunno what came over me...I just wanted ta pay ya back for all the trouble ya went through yesterday!"

"Now, Pooh! The puppies were a gift!" Joker said, petting her head, "You don't need to pay me back for gifts!" He stared lazily into her eyes.

She stared lazily back.

"You know, Pooh, I'm lucky to have a woman like you,"

Her body shook and her voice trembled. "Y-ya mean that?" she quivered.

"Of course!" he said, warm expression turning malevolent, "Harley! That plan is brilliant! I forgot all about my past Joker Venoms! And the birds! Talk about a way to get our 'wings' over Gotham, Haha! If they don't get infected from the food, having the local wildlife population Joker-toxic will take them out for sure! Oh it's fantastic!" he chuckled

"So you're not mad at me?" she said, looking up with her big, blue eyes.

"By all means, I probably should be," Joker said softly, clutching her shoulders and staring into her ocean-colored orbs, "But the more I spend time around you...the more I seem to find myself spinning hopelessly and more hopelessly in love with you..."

Harley exhaled a trembling squeal as he pulled her in and kissed her.

* * *

_**Awe...What an adorable little pair of maniacs! And nice move, Harley!**_

* * *

**Feel Free to Message me with all of your Comments, Questions, Suggestions, or Concerns via PM or my email!**

**STAY TUNED for Chapter 7: ****_Just A Joker _****(Preview: A look at the past and even more Joker-Harley bonding!)...Coming VERY, VERY SOON! ****_(Progress Updates on my profile!)_**


	7. Chapter 7: Just a Joker

**Jokingly Ever After**

**Chapter 7: Just A Joker**

* * *

"So how was work, Puddin'?" Harley cooed, playing with his hair and sitting on his lap as he finished the meal of cooked fish she'd made him.

"Lousy," he grumbled, taking a swig of iced tea, "You'll never believe the news I heard!" he frowned.

"What is it?" she said, frowning too.

"Seems Gotham's really trying to 'put an end' to me and my legacy," he sighed, "They've taken almost everything I've done to this town. Every hideout and smile I've placed upon this city has been cleaned up and wiped out, savor my destruction of the South Harbor..." he smirked.

"Actually, Puddin,'" Harley swallowed, "Remember how I caught the fish?"

"So! They still had the smiles on them, didn't they?"

She grimaced. "Er...Well..."

"Oh that's just great! Fantastic!" he said, throwing up his arms, "Guess there really ain't a whole lotta' me left here after all." Joker looked to the floor.

"There will be, Puddin'! As soon as we get the plan rollin'..." she paused, knowing it best not to rush or pester him, slowly petting his head.

"They took down the Ace Chemical Facility..." he sighed, "After all of those years of being the birthplace of my name! Now it's just doomed to the memory of a few, last, rotting old hags still left limping their way throughout Gotham..."

"_They'll remember_," she thought.

Joker pushed the empty plate away and tossed his elbow onto the table, resting his cheek on his right hand. "I was just a young buck when I first fell into that vat of chemicals…"

"You're not that old now, Puddin'!" Harley said.

He smiled. "Well, thanks to my careful planning, we both came back into being right around the time of our mid-twenties to early-thirties!" Joker pursed his lips. "I don't have any direct dates…Never could get ahold of the birth records for our two victims." He frowned again. "But that's not what I meant, Pooh! I was just cutting my teeth back then, for the first time, as a solo man, the one in charge!"

* * *

(Flashback)

A man with a black mustache, grey suit, purple tie, and matching grey fedora with a violet band around the middle stands behind a cherry wood desk. He pours a bottle of scotch whiskey into two shallow-bottomed glasses filled with ice as a lit cigarette hangs from his mouth. On the desk sits a brown ash tray, black telephone, two stacks of money, and a golden, metal lamp with a green shade. The room is dark, with the windows directly behind the desk blocked out by a drawn down set of charcoal-colored blinds. In front of the desk is a wooden door with similar blinds pulled down over the window, and two men in matching black suits and hats standing on opposite sides of it. To the left of the desk is a tan armchair, where a man in a brown suit, fedora, black shoes, and tan gloves sits sharpening a six inch Bowie knife with a small white stone.

"That was some nice work on the Beaumont Job," the man with the mustache says, handing one of the glasses to the one in the chair, "How hard was it to track him down?" he asks, leaning back against the desk.

The man in the chair looks up from his knife, smiling evilly. "Well you know, Sal, those Americans stick out like a big sore red thumb over there!"

"So he was hiding where Reeves said he was?" Sal says, taking a sip of whiskey.

"Right down to the cozy little hotel room window," the man in the chair smirks. He looks to the glass of scotch and swishes the contents around with the twirl of his hand, pursing his lips.

"Good, good. So how'd ya do it?" Sal asks.

"I used the single action .30-06 rifle," the main replies, "A quick shot under the chin as he stepped out onto the balcony from a little hiding spot over the seawall. Then it was 'oops' with the gun into the water and back on a plane to America right in time for supper," he grins.

"You got rid of the gun?" Sal says, standing straight up and widening his eyes.

"It was evidence!" the man says, trying to look embarrassed, "How was going to sneak a thing like that onto the plane!"

"You always get ridda' your guns!" Sal says, setting the glass down and throwing his arms in the air, "Even the knives!" he yells, motioning towards the Bowie blade. "Those things cost money, you know! And every time you go on killing somebody, we lose another weapon!"

"You also lose a pain in your ass and a worry over your shoulder with the death of another 'problem,'" the man cuts in.

Sal frowns and walks around the desk. He sits down and looks at the stacks of money, putting one away. "Three hundred," he says, tossing the one stack to the far end of the desk.

The man in the chair leans forward, dropping his jaw. "Three hundred! That'll barely cover the peanuts I ate on the flight!"

"I've gotta' make up for my loses somewhere, Jack," Sal says, "And you wasting weapons isn't gonna' help this organization grow."

"That gun didn't cost nearly what you've just deducted from the pay you quoted me for!" Jack says, standing up. He approaches Sal's desk and slams the knife down into the surface. "Don't try to screw me over, Sal!"

Sal looks up at him, then frowns. "Ya see now? That's one more thing I'm gonna have to pay for!" he says, motioning towards the knife.

Jack growls and pulls up the knife. He spins it around in his hand and leans forward, pressing it up against Sal's neck. "Not if I have anything to say about it."

Sal swallows hard and stares wide-eyed at the blade.

"Ya know, Sal, you're a real pain…calling me your best hit-man ever, and then treating me like absolute crap. Maybe I'll just take over and call my own shots from now on," Jack says, inching closer, "After one last hit, that is," he chuckles. There is the familiar sound of rounds being chambered behind him. "Ah, so that's the way it's gonna' be," Jack whispers, "Fine," he says throwing Sal back into his chair. Jack tosses up the knife and tucks it into his coat pocket. "Well consider yourself out one good hit-man!" Jack says, strolling towards the exit, "And I do hope you enjoy your stay at the top while it lasts!" he says, opening the door. He grins maliciously as he turns back to Sal. "Because if there's one thing I'm going to make certain, it's that I'll be the one who gets 'the last laugh'! Hahaha!" he says, slamming the door shut.

(End Flashback)

* * *

"Of course I did get the 'last laugh' on the greedy old man. You know that story, but that wouldn't come for some good years later. First came the trials and torment of attempting to establish a name for myself!" Joker said.

* * *

(Flashback)

A heavyset man in a light grey suit and matching hat waves his arms in the air as he stands in front of a small, cream-colored, metal desk with a fake wooden top. Behind him stand four more men in suits and hats of various shades of blue and grey. The other men stand, some arms folded, some scratching their heads, watching as the heavyset man runs his mouth at the person behind the desk, Jack. There is a cold, concrete floor and far flung white walls with bits of newspaper tacked about them. Most of the room is covered in darkness, savor a single hanging light bulb that shines down on the heavyset man in the middle of the floor. Jack sits back with his shiny black shoes propped up on the desk, his torso and face out of the light and concealed in the shadows, eyes floating.

"And I don't know who you think you are, Bud," the heavyset man says, "but this ain't like the boy scouts! You can't just decide to 'rank up' and start your own troop and expect everyone to just follow suit! You need drive, commitment, a plan! Money! And quite frankly, you ain't got much of a plan or money...In fact, your plan don't even make a whole lotta' sense..."

"What are you saying, Bernando?" Jack whispers darkly.

"I'm saying that there ain't no way this plan is gonna' work or that I'm gonna' be a part of it! This whole thing is just a sham! A joke! And I'm not being a part of no joke!" Bernando replies.

"But Bernando..." Jack whispers, lowering his gaze, "You're already the punch-line..." There is a flash of light in the darkness beside his eyes as Jack fires a round straight through Bernando's head. The heavyset man lurches slightly back upon impact and then falls forward, collapsing to the floor. Jack's teeth flash in the shadows, reflecting bits of light as he grins. A silver muzzle dips into the bulb's rays as he lowers the smoking handgun.

"Ah-" one of the other men gasps. The four remaining individuals stare in shock at the blood splattered wildly about the hole in the far wall.

Jack smirks as he takes in their terrified expressions. "I call that 'cutting my losses," he chuckles, "So, would anyone else like to throw in their two sense or are we good to go?"

* * *

A few days later, Jack is recovering from his accident at the Ace Chemical Plant. He walks down a dimly-lit hallway with dusty brick walls and a concrete floor in his old hideout. Jack turns left into a small bathroom with a white tiled floor and lime-green painted walls. Putting his hands on a white porcelain sink, he gazes at his reflection in a mirror, grimacing. "_I look like a circus freak! A clown!_" he thinks. Jack lowers his head and slowly raises his eyes back to the mirror, gritting his teeth. He punches the mirror, sending a spider-web of cracks out from a center crater. As he looks at his heavily-breathing reflection, the corners of his mouth begin to jerk upward. Grinning now, Jack begins to laugh. "HA-Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaaa a!" he laughs, rearing back and closing his eyes as he grips the sink. "So I'm a 'joke' am I?" Jack says, grinning maliciously from ear to ear and lowering his gaze, "I guess we'll just have to see how much of a 'joker' I can be..."

* * *

An explosion bursts through the windows of a grey building with cobblestone walls and a black sign with white lettering that reads, "_Gotham First National Bank_." Glass and shrapnel fly out in every direction, as a crowd of terrified pedestrians scrambles for cover behind rows of automobiles parked on the opposite side of the road. In front of the blast, four armed robbers with sub-machine guns run into the street carrying bags of money. The men wear matching grey suits and hats, black shoes, and also sport clown masks over each of their faces. They make fast for an unmarked white van and speed off. Jack, wearing a purple suit and matching violet fedora, drives the getaway car. He takes the gang down to a section of road that meets with Gotham's South Harbor boardwalk.

"Wait here," Jack says, parking the car and grabbing one of the machine guns, "I'm going to set a little trap for our 'law-enforcing' companions in blue!" he chuckles. The men nod as Jack jumps from the van and runs to hide behind a dark green trash compactor sitting in front of a wooden warehouse several yards away. Within minutes, the sound of police sirens can be heard echoing in the distance. The noise grows as three squad cars race down the street and come to a halt just a few feet from the van.

"Get out of the car!" one of the officers yells, holding up a pistol. All four masked men emerge from the vehicle with their hands in the air. As they line up in front of the van, five other officers approach slowly, some holding shotguns, some holding assault rifles. "Keep your hands up!" the first officer shouts.

Jack jumps out from behind the compactor, holding a small, grey, metallic box in his left hand. "Yoo-hoo! I think there's been a mistake!" he yells, "This isn't a robbery," he begins, as the cops turn their guns to him, "It's just a JOKE!" Jack takes his right fist and punches the single button on the remote, detonating a hidden bomb placed on the van's gas tank. The vehicle erupts with a deafening sound as Jack ducks behind the trash compactor. A shockwave ripples through the ground as an immense fireball climbs skyward. Within seconds, bits of shrapnel, clothing, and more come raining down overhead. Jack hides behind the compactor, spying the approach of another vehicle. As the dust and debris settles, Jack stands up and begins coughing. The coughs soon turn to snickers, and then into all-out gut-wrenching laughter. "Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!" A black and white news van drives up the street and parks a few feet away. Jumping from his hiding place, Jack takes the machine gun and sprays the crew with bullets, killing the driver and reporter swiftly. He then approaches the side of the car with the gun. In the rear of the cab, a camera man sits shaking. "Get out of the car!" Jack yells. The man obliges quickly and leaps from the van. "Now grab the camera and turn it on!"

"Y-Yes Sir!" the camera man replies, picking up his equipment. He mounts the camera on his shoulder and does his best to steady it as he begins recording. "W-we're on!"

Jack smiles into the lens, flames from the destruction dancing in the background. "Greetings Gotham! You may be wondering what happened to our little friends in blue back there..." he says, frowning briefly, and then smiling once again, "Seems they didn't understand my sense of humor! Haha! You see, folks, I've grown tired of watching the same old crime rings play the same old game over and over again. So I thought to myself, 'I think it's time we play a new game! One with lots of laughs!' Haha! And so without further delay I give you this!" he says, motioning towards the heap of burning car frames, "Complete and total, whimsical chaos, with no rhyme or reason whatsoever but to let lose and have fun..." Jack grins maliciously, "It's time this city really saw what a demented mind is capable of! So get ready, Gotham, because there'll be a lot more unpredictable mayhem in the days and months to follow! Brought to you by yours truly, the Clown Prince of Crime himself! The one, the only...Joker..." Jack says, darkly lowering his voice. Joker throws his head back and begins building up a hearty laugh. "Hahahahahahahahahaaa!" His moment is quickly cut short by a kick to the face by a black boot.

Joker tumbles and rolls across the ground, losing the gun and landing face-down. As he picks himself up and turns around, he finds Batman standing overhead. "You again!" he growls.

"It's over," Batman says.

Joker smirks. "Oh is it?" he chuckles, "Funny...I think things are just beginning!" He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a taser. As he lurches forward, Batman kicks it out of his hand and sends him crashing to the pavement again with a hard punch to the face. Joker groans as Batman grabs him by the collar and lifts him. "It's not over," he says, wincing slightly, "I'll only get better...And you'll only get weaker...In time, you'll come to be the butt of my jokes just like everyone else," he chuckles.

"We'll see about that," Batman replies.

"Oh, yes we will," Joker snickers, "Yes we will..."

(End Flashback)

* * *

"Ah...I can remember it like it was yesterday...and it's been all those years ago," Joker sighed, "I spent a lot of time and effort making a name for myself..." he looked down at the table, "Now it's all just...fading away..."

"Come on, Puddin'! What about that Jokerz-"

"A bunch of bratty kids isn't exactly the legacy I had in mind Harley," he frowned.

"I know," she said, looking down, "But you're gonna do great things, Puddin' ...Ya always do," Harley stopped, chocking back a sudden rush of tears.

He looked up at her, smiling. "What's wrong, Pooh?" he whispered.

"Nothin'!" she said softly, "I just...don't think ya give yourself enough credit sometimes..." Harley swallowed hard, "You're the only man I've eva' known who could turn anything he does into...Everything ya do is huge! It's special! It's...fun! There ain't no other man in history...who..." she looked at the floor, pausing, "Eh, whaddya care what I say...I'm just a dumb ol' broad who fell for ya...Pretty madly though," she whispered, looking up and smiling.

"Harley," he said, smiling back. Joker traced circles on the table with his finger. "Why do you think I brought you back?"

"Oh, geez, Mistah J..." she swallowed.

"Come on," he teased.

"I can't!" she shuddered.

"Why not?" he pouted.

"'Cause what if it's not true!" she said, looking at him with big, blue, wet eyes.

"Try me," he smiled.

Harley removed her right arm from its place draped around his neck and rubbed her left shoulder, looking down. "I guess I just wanted to make an impact on your life ...that's all," she quivered, "I ain't a whole lotta' great things, but..."

"Go on," he whispered.

Her eyes filled up and began to overflow. "Just a stupid part'a me that wants ta be loved..." she said, suddenly shaking her head, "But I know that's not what ya do! I know!" Harley stared at the floor. "If I end up the butt'a one'a your next jokes...that's fine...At least we had-...At least I had...this-"

Joker placed a finger over her lips and smiled. "No joke at all Harley," he whispered.

She began to breath rapidly, shaking.

"Honey!" he pouted.

"I know! I know! I know!" she swallowed, eyeing the floor intently, "Dammit I love you," she breathed, tearing up.

"Harley," he frowned, "Now, you're going to have to stop before you give me that condition!" Joker reached up and wiped a single tear that had formed in the corner of his right eye. He looked at the wet knuckle that had touched it, then slowly back at Harley, who stared at him. "Heh," he laughed, "I don't do that often!"

Her voiced dropped low and rattled slightly as she looked to the floor, "Maybe, if it's a joke."

"Pooh!" he said, grabbing her shoulders. He stared directly into her eyes, his expression completely flat, focused on the gaze that he held with her.

As she looked into his eyes, she saw the pools of water dancing inside, the wetness welling, and from all the years knew that he was not faking. His orbs shimmered and moved with the tiny bits of light that met with them coming from a small source in the kitchen.

He bit his lower lip and squinted, looking away. "I'm sorry it's taken' me..." he breathed, "over forty-seven years..." Joker paused, then looked up. "Don't expect to here that often!" he said, the depth suddenly resurging in his voice.

Harley's body shook again as her mouth began to quiver. A small gasp escaped her lips, "Oh, Puddin'!" she said, throwing her arms around him.

Joker embraced Harley tight and closed his eyes.

Harley did the same. She knew it was rare, but she was sure he did care, and regardless of how often such moments would come, nothing could take away from the feelings right there. Harley rested her forehead against his, staring into his eyes.

He looked up at her, motionless. It wasn't something he was used to, an attraction like this. Yet for all the years and the planning, the jokes and the schemes, he was only now realizing the depth of this bond. Still, for him, in that moment, it was easy to grasp, he had his support, his woman, his anchor, and she was right where she needed to be. He smiled and held her, close and warm, petting her head as she lay in his arms.

She leaned in and kissed him, then whispered, leaning back into his body and breathing a heavy sigh as a tear rolled gently along her wet cheek, "Thank you."

* * *

Harley sighed, curling up in a ball on the middle of the couch, a pink blanket draped over her body.

"Thanks for listening to the bulk of my story...Get some sleep, Pooh," he said, patting her head, "Daddy's got work to do..."

* * *

**So, was that last part just a dream? Only one way to find out, STAY TUNED!**

* * *

**Feel Free to Message me with all of your Comments, Questions, Suggestions, or Concerns via PM or my email!**

**STAY TUNED for Chapter 8: ****_Hectic Humor_****...Coming VERY, VERY SOON! ****_(Progress Updates on my profile!)_**


	8. Chapter 8: Hectic Humor

**Jokingly Ever After**

**Chapter 8: Hectic Humor**

* * *

Joker sat on a maple wood stool at the black countertop near the doorway of his laboratory, drumming away at the stolen laptop's black keyboard with his long, purple-gloved fingers. He gritted his teeth and snarled. "Blast this stupid device! I went to school to be a chemist not a-...a 'technician!'" Joker clenched his right fist and raised it back, then paused, shaking slightly and letting his palm relax as it smoothly came back down. He laid his hand on the table again and looked to the Falcon-D device, connected to the laptop through an outdated data line that ran through an adaptor to a USB cord. A black screen with green letters sat silent and still, displaying the message, "_Access Denied_." Joker scowled at the little black box. "If you were a person I'd murder you..." he growled. His chest heaved with a sigh as he looked toward the ceiling, holding out both hands and curling his fingers like claws. "Just once I'd like to have a little self-sufficiency! Is that so much to ask? Is it?" Joker slumped his shoulders and stuck his lips out to the side, giving the Falcon-D a lazy, flat stare. "I'll get you," he said. He reached for his white coffee mug and tilted it with a frown. "Hmm...Almost outta' brew. I guess I'll see if Harley's up yet...This little problem's gonna take a bit of thought," Joker said, picking up the mug and strolling out of the room.

As he made his way out of the lab and through the main living quarters, where he had tucked Harley in after she'd fallen asleep, he noticed the plush red couch against the far wall was empty. The pink cotton blanket was folded neatly and the pillows were all aligned. Joker made his way to the kitchen and smiled as his nostrils caught the uplifting sent of a pot of fresh coffee. "_Just wonderful!_" he thought, spreading his arms out with a smile, "_I knew I kept that girl around for something! Haha!_" He poured himself a cup, with three dashes of sugar, and licked his lips as the warm liquid found its way in. The incandescent lights of the kitchen were a pleasant break from the fluorescent bulbs of the lab, and Joker could already feel his mind easing up. It was then that he noticed the sound of music, voices, and laughter echoing its way from further down the nearby hall.

He rounded the corner and proceeded towards the noise, down the yellow-tan carpet and plain white walls, broken up by the occasional clipping or photograph. In the room to his right were the new Bud and Lou, both black pups playing a game of tug-of-war with a blue, fuzzy toy. To his left was the bedroom, the source of the sound, where blue lights shot out in broken beams and danced along the air. Joker peered inside and saw Harley sitting on their black and red satin bed, dressed in her clown suit. Her legs were both crossed as she sat intently upright, shoveling spoonfuls of cereal into her mouth. In front of her sat a large black television set.

Announcer: "_Coming to you live from 82nd Street, it's Good Morning Gotham! (applause) With your hosts, Cindy Plaker and Dan Applebeck_! (music)"

Applebeck: "_Thank you and good morning Gotham. It's great to be back with you on this very lovely and sunny Monday morning! And we've sure got a heck of a lot to talk about today, don't we Cindy?_"

Cindy: "_Mmm, you bet. You know Gotham's had a bit of a wakeup call this past weekend. First two police officers were mysteriously killed in a gas tank explosion in the docks of Gotham's South Harbor and then Gotham's own Central Zoo was broken into on Saturday_!"

Applebeck: "_You're right, it's nuts. And you know, I wanna go back to that police story real quick. Now the official report says that there was most likely a mechanical malfunction, some sort of deficiency, in the boat's design that caused the 'accident,' but there are already rumors circulating that foul play 'might' have been involved_."

Cindy: "_Well you know anytime something goes on in Gotham's South Harbor, there's a good chance that 'foul play' might be involved_."

Applebeck: "_Exactly! And I think it makes a good point for the city's mayor, come next election, to really push that bill forward that would see that side of town cleaned up and patrolled_."

Cindy: "_I know! Such a shame it is that the South Docks have become the criminal nest of Gotham these days! Ugh...Anyway, in other news, all of the animals released in Saturday night's raid on Gotham Central Zoo were recaptured and returned as of Sunday afternoon, with the exception of 1 of the lions that was gunned down outside of an elementary school on Broad Street and the two hyena pups that went missing as well. Security Guard, Jake Nantucket, died Sunday night at Gotham Central Hospital from his reaction to an overdose of high-potency tranquilizer toxin used by the assailants of the break in. As of now police have not been able to find any trace of the criminal or criminals, and are asking local residents to please reach out and contact the Gotham Police Department if they have any information regarding the identity of those involved or their whereabouts_."

Applebeck: "_You know those criminals might have already been caught had Batman not been tied up Saturday night with his own pack of ghouls. The masked crusader stopped a would-be lethal break in by the street gang, The T's, to a local convenience store on 51st Street known as, "Wonder-Mart." The T's planned to break in, steal what they could, and take some of the employees hostage for a ransom. Luckily, Gotham's hero was first on the scene and managed to defeat a pack of four of them despite small arms fire and Molotov cocktails being hurled upon him as he entered the building_."

Cindy: "_Gee it really makes you feel lucky to have him around_."

Applebeck: "_I know! I don't know what criminal in the right mind would ever think of taking him on. He's invincible_!"

"HA!" Harley laughed, crunching down hard on her cereal. The spoon in her mouth fell limp and dangled out as she turned and saw him leaning on the frame of the doorway. She smiled, taking the spoon out and staring at him.

He stared back, a delicate smile caressing his own lips.

"Hey," she whispered, eyes sparkling.

"Morning Pumpkin," Joker replied softly, grinning.

Harley looked to the ground as her eyes scanned the room and away. "I made you fresh coffee," she uttered, lips still curled.

"I know!" he beamed, "Best cup of Jo I've had in ages!"

She nodded and swallowed, then looked up at him with a smile. "Are ya doing awright with your hacking thing?"

Joker's lips twisted up. "Gah! That piece of junk won't listen to a thing I say...It needs a pass code of some sort and the operating system is full of bugs!" He looked to the ground. "I don't know how to fix something like that!"

Harley stared down too, then looked back to him. "We can find someone ta fix it," she said.

He looked to her, then finally sighed. "Yeah...I hope," he replied, taking a sip of coffee. As he swallowed and looked to her delicate form, legs crossed and curled up as she sat there on that nice, soft bed, a sensation rose up through his body. "Ehm," he coughed, clearing his throat.

"You okay Puddin'?" Harley asked.

Joker looked at her and those bright blue eyes, smiling. He suddenly blinked. "Fine!" he laughed, "Haha...Harley dear...What are you up to?"

Her mouth formed an "o" shape as she looked back to the television set. "Gee I was just...watchin' TV Mistah J..." she shrugged. Her eyes grew wide as she snapped her head back to him. "Should I be helping with the plan?"

"Huh? Oh no, no!" he laughed, waving the comment off, "You're perfectly fine, Pooh." His eye lids grew heavy as he looked to her again, those bright blue orbs gazing up from an innocent, adorable, smooth little pale face, capped off by a pair of luscious black lips and nestled firmly aboard that spectacular body. "Say Pooh...Would you mind if Daddy watches a little TV with you? It's getting awfully frustrating working on the device and I could use a good break with a little warm company," he said, smiling.

Harley's eyes blinked wide, once, then twice. Her face broke into a huge grin. "Of course I wouldn't mind, Puddin'!" she beamed, setting the empty cereal bowl to the side on a nearby nightstand.

"Spleeeendid," Joker said, easing down beside her. As he sat there, he noticed that she was still staring intently. He looked from side to side. "Uh...Everything alright Harl?" he asked, smiling sheepishly.

She held her eyes upon him as her lips began to quiver, lightly, then faster, eyes welling up.

"Harley," Joker said warmly, setting the cup down on the floor, "Is this about last night?"

Her head nodded ferociously as a small sound escaped her throat.

Joker let out a light, air-filled laugh. "Well you ought to know I meant it, Honey," he whispered, stroking her left shoulder down her back with his right hand, "You're my oooooonnnne and ooooonly!" As he teased her with his sweet words, he found a lump forming in the back of his own throat. "Ehm," he coughed, "Don't hold back now, Harley..." Joker whispered and gazed into her eyes, unable to fight the invisible magnetism that was quickly pulling them closer. "I want everything you got...at its fullest...all the time..."

"Y-Y-Ya do?" she said, shaking.

"Mmhmmm," he nodded.

"Oh Puddin'!" Harley gasped, jumping up and tackling him. As she buried her head in his chest, her crying turned to laughter. "You're the best," she said, looking up to him.

He turned his gaze toward the ceiling, swallowing hard from the precious look on her face. "Yeah, I...know." Joker blinked as Harley reached up and firmly kissed his cheek. He snapped his head back at her, inches from her face. "You missed," he complained, smirking. As he leaned in to meet her lips with his own, Harley's right hand reached behind his head and pulled him in, pressing them both together. She then giggled and knocked him backwards as they laid down and made out on the bed.

* * *

Joker sat back with his head propped against a red pillow as Harley lay cuddled up to his right side, readjusting the parts of her costume.

Applegate: "_In other news, Wayne Technologies will be hosting its semi-annual Gadgets & Gizmos Convention at the Gotham Palace Theatre this Wednesday, where it will be unveiling some of its most recent, groundbreaking innovations. In addition to this, Wayne Tech will also be offering a rare gallery display of some of its most successful legacy creations, including pieces attained through its partnership and acquisition of LexCorp. Admission is limited, and will not be open to the general public. However, select local news teams will be allowed access to the second half of the meeting and given a tour of the gallery following the ceremony._"

"Hmm," Joker mumbled, stroking his chin with his left hand. "Past creations from LexCorp..." He turned to Harley with a grin. "I'll bet they know all about my little Falcon-D device!"

She squinted. "Ya think they'll know how to work it?"

"Why not!" he beamed, "A nostalgic little gadget like that has to be all the rage at cocktail parties among those clowns! In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if they had some form or prototype design of the thing on display when we get there!"

Harley blinked, then lowered her gaze, smirking. "So, we're breaking in, huh Puddin'?"

"Not 'breaking in,' Pooh...You and I are gonna be 'honorary guests'!" he chuckled.

"Sounds like a fun plan, Baby," she said darkly, displaying a grin.

"It sure does, Harley..." Joker replied, grinning back. His face dropped as a frown suddenly came over his lips. "I just wish I didn't have to wait the next two days until Wednesday to do it! What are we gonna do until theeen!"

"Awe, we'll think'a something," Harley replied, rubbing his chest.

Joker watched her hand, the internal cogs in his mind turning rapidly. "Well we don't want to waste this time Harley...Once that venom takes effect, the secret's out! Hmm...Maybe a little 'insurance' is in order..."

* * *

Joker sat back at on the maple wood stool in his lab, typing away at the laptop as Harley watched, standing behind him. "I sent the drone out here for two reasons. The first was to test the environment and see if there would still be a Batman, which there is, and the second was to gather vital information I could use upon my true return!" He grinned maliciously as he logged into a webpage with a black background and red text. "That little 'flaw' in my drone's design, the external microchip that led to his demise, actually served a dual purpose." Joker turned to Harley, smiling widely. "It was left on the outside so that it could more easily transmit radio-waves," he said, flashing her a wicked stare. "And people wondered how I was able to so easily hack into those satellites! I'm no dummy! Haha! That drone transmitted everything it picked up via its conscious experiences and relayed them over to a little, private data collection bin that I created prior. Think of it as an extremely early version of 'e-mail.' What's the true value that came out of all of this you ask? I know the new Batman's real name," he said darkly. Joker punched a few keys and leaned back, motioning towards the computer's screen.

Harley slumped over as her jaw popped open. "That! That's the new Bat-freak? He looks young enough to still be in high school!"

"Terrific guess Harley!" Joker replied, "As a matter of fact he just graduated from Hamilton Hill High School this past year..." He leaned back in and hit a few more keys. "Let's see here...It says he's already started attending classes at Gotham State University as of this June. Oh it's so good to know our little wannabe-hero is dedicated to the pursuit of bettering his mind!" Joker said, clasping both hands and smiling. "Let's see now," he said, placing his right hand over his chin and tapping his lips with his index finger, "How can we get him. We have the complete element of surprise by knowing who he is and where he'll be without him having the slightest idea either of us are alive. And while I don't want to kill him outright, 'cause that's just no fun, I'd love to infect him with my Joker Venom so that he can be fit for the party when the smiles arrive..."

"Maybe we could have a bake sale!" Harley smirked.

"Oh suurre! With cupcakes and cookies and...yeeeess...Like a charity!" He turned to her, grinning wide. "We could set up a table and serve infected treats! Haha! What a wonderful way to make sure our happy little undergrad gets his 'just desserts'... Well, Pooh, best make way for the kitchen...I'm gonna find us both something 'nice' to wear..."

* * *

"Puddin,' how much longer do I gotta carry these things around! My arms are getting' tired!" Harley complained, following close behind Joker as they made their way down the sidewalk. She had her blonde hair up in a ponytail and a white, diamond-shaped paper hat on her head. Her body was clothed in a red button-down shirt and a black, knee-length skirt with a white apron wrapped around front, while her feet were clad in matching red heels. "And I hate this outfit!" she pouted, carrying two medium-sized Tupperware containers filled with chocolate chip cookies. Her face was washed of its usual pale makeup and her lips were done up in a light red lipstick.

"Just a few more feet, Darling!" Joker teased. He wore the same paper hat and matching white apron, a blue button-down shirt, and dark blue jeans, while his feet moved along clad in light brown dress shoes. His face was camouflaged in peach mascara again and he was now sporting a full black goatee. He had another box of cupcakes in his left arm and a piece of poster board clutched in his right. Joker's face lit up with a grin as they rounded a corner. "Ah! Gotham S.U.! Such a beautiful sight!" he said. They both stood in front of a massive tan brick building with a dark brown and red roof. It had a cathedral-like, medieval look about it that echoed of Gotham's older days, with four pointed rooftops and a tall, cone-like tower in the center. Two circular water fountains sat on either side of the main entrance, at the base of the tower, and a long strip of brown mulch and crab apple trees stretched out beyond that.

Harley stuck out her lower lip to the left side and let her eyelids droop. "Oh great... I'm in college again..."

"Don't worry, Pooh!" Joker smiled, "This trip won't be too long. Would you believe that I convinced the school's staff to let us setup today, without clearance checks, simply by stating that I'd allow them to 'personally' distribute the funds to the charity we represent..."

"So we won't even make any money?" Harley said, pouting with a half-smile.

"I'm sorry, Honey," Joker replied, "But I promise well leave after today with a 'bang!'"

Harley mirrored his expression, grinning darkly. "Okay!"

* * *

"Help support impoverished families!" Joker called out, masking the sound of his voice with a lower tone. He stood behind a white fold-out table with black legs next to Harley, near a wall at the entrance of the school's main lobby. Their three boxes of treats were displayed on the table and the poster board was placed in front, with a message that read, "_Support Local Families_ _and Donate $1!_"

"Mmm...I'll have another!" said a heavyset kid. He had a large build and messy blonde hair, and wore a blue and white football jersey, tan shorts, and white tennis shoes. Joker gritted his teeth as the jock slapped another dollar onto the table and plucked up a second chocolate cupcake.

"You know, young man. I appreciate the enthusiasm, but there are other patrons we're trying to address..." Joker said, displaying a wide, cheesy grin.

The student looked at him blankly as he chomped down on the cupcake.

"Yeah, try an' save a few bites for the otha' kids out there! We wanna reach out ta them all!" Harley chimed in.

The young man swallowed and eyed up a stack of cookies.

"Stop eating all the food!" Joker yelled, throwing his arms in the air. The student jumped back and gave them both an odd look, then moved his eyes in both directions and hastily walked off. "And have a nice daaaay!" Joker said, smiling wide and delicately waving with the flapping of his right hand. His shoulders slumped as a scowl came over his face. "This is going nowhere," he groaned.

"Yeah! Tell me about it!" Harley pouted, folding her arms. "I can't stand the feel of this place! And what's with all'a these broads walkin' around with phones attached to their face!"

"I haven't a clue," Joker replied. Just then he noticed another pair of students enter the lobby. The one had black hair and wore a light blue dress with black boots, while the other had dark jeans, black shoes, a black shirt, a brown jacket, and medium-length black hair. "There's our man!" Joker grinned, "Selling cookies and cupcakes for $1 to gather donations for families in neeeed!" he yelled, cupping his left hand to his mouth. The girl in the blue dress tugged at the young man's right arm and motioned with her head over towards the stand. "Hello you two!" Joker said, smiling and briefly closing his eyes, "And what would your names be?"

"Terry," the young man said, clearing his throat.

The girl smiled cheerfully. "And I'm Dana!"

"Delighted to meet you!" Joker replied, "What can I get you?"

"Just two of the cookies," Terry said, pulling out a brown leather wallet.

"I want a cupcake!" Dana whined.

Terry rolled his eyes and smirked. "Fiiine. Two of the cupcakes, please," he said, handing over two dollars.

Harley placed a chocolate cupcake with white icing and purple and black sprinkles in each of their hands, grinning cheerfully. "Here ya go!"

"Thanks," Terry mumbled, looking down at the food.

"Thanks guys!" Dana called, waving as they walked off.

Joker kept his gaze fixed on the pair as they moved off and came to a stop in the middle of the lobby. Dana unwrapped her cupcake and took the first bite, then held it over and made Terry have some himself. He broke a grin and complied, then entwined his left arm with her right, and made her share his cupcake, to Joker's delight.

"Awe, look at that, Puddin'...They're sharing!" Harley beamed.

"Yes...It's adorable," he replied darkly, swallowing hard as he worked up the strength to surprise his deep urge to laugh. "My ace in the hole has just been assured," he smirked.

* * *

"Such a lovely place really!" Joker said, tossing the empty containers into a nearby trash can as they made their way down the schoolyard and onto the sidewalk. "It's a shame it'll have to go..."

"I still don't see why we had ta wait until we sold off all'a the cupcakes and crap before we could leave!" Harley cut in. "I mean we even handed the money in!"

"Patience, Pumpkin," Joker replied, holding up his hand, "It's all about laying low until the 'applause' from our lung-infected audience starts up!" He grinned evilly, then clenched his right fist and examined the nails on his camouflaged hand. "Besides...I still found a way to express our thanks to the institution for having us there!"

Harley turned her head to look at him as they walked along, her lips pursed and her eyes narrowing. An enormous crack of thunder erupted from behind down the road as an explosion sent tan bricks, mortar, and red shingles hurtling through the air. A bright flash of yellow and orange could be seen on a building across the street as the villainous duo turned their heads, beating, by mere seconds, the appearance of a second monstrous boom. It was met by a third explosion that sent out a cloud of black smoke as debris shattered the windows and storefronts of nearby buildings and crashed into cars. The alarm systems of multiple vehicles rang out as screams and shouts filled the air. "There, you see, I told you we'd leave our mark! Talk about a parting gift..." he said, grinning.

"Ya mean ya left 'your' mark! I didn't get ta do anything!" she said, sticking out her lower lip.

"Oh Harley do cheer up...You didn't think I'd forget about you! Did you?" he replied. Joker reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, white, golf ball, smirking wickedly.

"Ooo! You shouldn't have!" Harley cooed.

He motioned with his head and they casually strolled off down the street.

* * *

"Okay, Pooh, here's the deal. We only have one of these because we don't wanna create too much attention, so you've gotta make this shot count. Let's say... Two points for an empty building, five points for a crowded one, eight points for a taxi cab, and ten points for something better!" Joker said, smirking, "The moving targets are worth a bit more, but don't go just rolling this off down the street and wasting it now..." He placed the grenade lightly into the palm of her hand.

"I won't," she said, grinning. Harley pocketed the bomb and looked at her man. "And can I just say something?" she asked, staring at him.

Joker looked from side to side. "Um...What is it Pooh?" he replied, smiling sheepishly.

Harley draped her arms around his neck and leaned in close, gazing into his eyes. "I just wanted ta tell ya that I love ya so much," she said, speaking softly. Harley reached up with her left hand and stroked his hair. "Who coulda' thought a dame like me would wind up with a guy as amazing as you!" she cooed, "Ya really take my breath away ya big, gorgeous, clown!"

"Harley..." he replied, pursing his lips slightly with a smile.

"I really mean it!" she said, widening her eyes and stepping up closer. "I love you!" Her mouth came to a stop just an inch from his own as she breathed on his face and let out one more whisper. "Ya have my heart..." Harley closed in and kissed him, and Joker turned slightly and bent, dipping her in his arms as their lips locked.

He held her dipped low with care in his arms, bending over her with heavy eyes. "You too, Harley," he whispered, gazing back, "...you too."

* * *

She stepped back and wound up like a baseball pitcher with the golf ball grenade clenched in her right hand. Harley jumped forth like a spring as she took a quick step, letting the bomb fly free. It rocketed through the air towards a blue and grey double-decker bus and landed in the open top, rolling under a seat. She leaned forward in anticipation, eyes growing wide, gritting her teeth with a grin. The bus drove past four buildings and then erupted in flames as a thunderous bang rang out through the street. It then jumped over the curb and crashed into a storefront, sending shattering glass in every direction and lighting the store's overhanging cloth canopy up in flames.

"HA-hahahahaha!" Joker cackled, covering his face with his left hand and pointing to the scene with his right.

"Guess they won't be hitchin' that ride anymore!" Harley laughed.

"I think not!" Joker chuckled, grabbing her hand, "That's easily ten points right there! Even before the store crash! Haha!"

"Ah...mayhem. It's great to be back!" Harley giggled, running alongside him as they dashed into the shadows and away down the street.

* * *

_**Talk about a hole-in-one, huh?**_

* * *

**Feel Free to Message me with all of your Comments, Questions, Suggestions, or Concerns via PM or my email!**

**STAY TUNED for ****Chapter 9****: ****_Super Fun (Hint: ROAD TRIP!)_****...Coming VERY, VERY SOON! ****_(Progress Updates on my profile!)_**


	9. Chapter 9: Super Fun

**Jokingly Ever After**

**Chapter 9: Super Fun**

* * *

Joker stood in the main living room of their lair, dressed in his usual purple suit once again, standing in front of a whiteboard attached to a metal cart he'd wheeled in. He drew on the board with a black marker, scratching his chin with his left hand. "Hmm...Let's see here... '_Things we blew up_.' There's that drug store, the police boat, the tech shop, Gotham S.U., a city bus, and...Oh yes, the back brick and mortar wall of Gotham Central Zoo." Joker capped the marker and ran his hands through his hair. "We stole chemicals from the drug store and two hyena pups from the zoo." His face fell into a scowl. "Drat...I didn't realize how obvious of a 'clue' those two missing dogs might be."

"But I love my babies!" Harley said. She was dressed in her usual clown getup and positioned sideways on his plush purple chair, her legs draped over the seat's right arm as she sat facing him, bouncing a paddleball.

"I know you do, Pooh," Joker replied, smiling warmly, "But they're not gonna' do us a whole lot of good if they tip off the new Batman to our plot before it has a chance to take hoooold!" The expression on his face dropped as he turned back to the board. "We need a distraction! Something that'll send him looking in the wrong direction! I just know that the old-Batman will still be helping the new one in his ways...and that guy always figured out my schemes!"

"Where ya wanna' lure him to? Another city?" she remarked.

"Preferably, yes..." he replied, scanning the room, "Just like that time we got the old-Batman to follow us to Metropolis! Remember?" he grinned.

Harley stopped bouncing the red rubber ball attached to her paddle. "Ya mean the time I thought ya died in that big plane crash?" she asked, frowning.

"Precisely, Pooh!" he grinned, "Only I won't be doing anything as 'endearingly destructive' or plot-committed this time! Just a distraction..."

"I don't want my Puddin' in any more planes!" she said, projecting out her lower lip and looking up at him with big, sad eyes.

His eyelids sank low as he smiled warmly. "Oh, Harley, I promise I won't get on any planes this time, okay? I just wanna' cause enough chaos and mayhem to get the old and new Bat-Brains to think I'm back to my old ways trying to score points by killing the infamous 'Man of Steel'! That's all!"

She put her right finger to her lips. "Gee, Mistah J...Do ya think that guy's even still around? And how do ya figure Bats and his kid apprentice even know we're alive yet?"

"Well I don't know for sure!" Joker chuckled, "But in my line of work, I've often found being just a tad bit paranoid is the way to go. Even if the theft of the hyenas and chemicals from the drug store haven't got them thinking in our direction, they've at the very least got to be aware of the fact that a 'scheme' of sorts is well underway! Thaaankfully, we didn't make enough of a splash at the food processing plant for them to factor that little tidbit into the mix, but I'll bet you any money they're already connecting the dots to the explosions we've caused. All we need to do now is somehow convince them that this has all been in preparation to take out Superman or something...and we'll have them eating completely out of the palm of our hand! Haha!" He beamed, grinning widely as he looked back to Harley. "By the way...he's alive alright, just look at a paper...Sheesh!" Joker said, rolling his eyes.

Harley scanned the floor with her eyes before gazing back to him. "Ha...Too bad that one broad is probably dead! I wouldn't mind getting a chance ta whoop her ass again! And I'll bet Baldy's gone too!"

"Lexy?" Joker chuckled, "Oh he might be around! Not a whole lot of use now that his company's gone broke, but I wasn't planning on including them anyway. We can do better!" He gritted his teeth, looking to the side. "Besides...That's one failed business deal I'd just love to forget!"

"Are ya sure, Puddin'?" Harley said, tilting her head, "Maybe he knows how ta work that fancy Falcon thing ya keep rantin' about! Wasn't it his guys who made it?"

Joker blinked wide. "You know, Harley...I think you're right! Oh I'm such an idiot!" he said, putting both hands over his head, "This whole time I've been completely ignoring the fact that the Falcon-D device's 'master overseer,' aka 'Lex Luthor,' may in fact still be around!" Joker stroked his chin with his left hand, smirking. "Yeees... I could see this working out quite nicely. We'll have the information we need to take over Gotham's military AND a distraction that'll have our pointy-eared punk of a pest looking for our whereabouts in the wrong city! HAHAhahahaha!"

"Oh I love when you laugh, Puddin'!" Harley giggled, cupping both hands together under her chin and smiling wide.

He leaned forward towards her, arching his shoulders and slinking his head as a dark, toothy grin spread over his face. "Me too, Pooh...Now get yourself ready...It's time for a little road trip..."

* * *

Harley yawned and nestled herself up against the left inside door of the taxi cab, glancing out the window as the highway rolled on. She had her blonde hair hanging down to her shoulders, crimped with a slight wavy pattern about it. Her clown makeup had been replaced by a simple bit of maroon lipstick that she wore to compliment the form-fitting, silky red dress she also had on. On her feet she was sporting a pair of strapless white heels. Harley picked her head up and flicked her left arm about, rattling the three golden bracelets she also wore, before settling her chin down to rest on her left hand. "Are we there yet?" she sighed.

"Soon, Pooh! We'll be heading off into Metropolis come the very next exit. Don't you remember?" Joker said, flashing a cheesy grin, "You drove here once after all!" He had a black and grey pinstripe suit on with a red tie, tucked inside a brown trench coat and matching fedora, his face done up in peach again.

"Gee, I dunno..." Harley smirked, glancing at him lazily out of the corner of her eyes, "That was a lifetime ago, after all!" Their expressions both dropped as the driver spoke up.

"You two are adorable!" the man chuckled. He had a white t-shirt and blue overalls, messy grey hair, and a bushy mustache. On top of his head sat a dark blue conductor hat. "Going up to visit family?" he asked in a raspy voice.

"An old friend actually," Joker replied.

"Ah, well that's nice...You know Gotham City itself isn't all that far away from Metropolis, but the age we live in is so... 'impersonal'! It's nice to see folks willing to meet face to face with their friends every once in awhile too!"

Harley and Joker exchanged flat looks as the cab turned off the highway.

"So are you two married or something?" the cab driver asked.

Harley beamed as she sat up in her seat, reaching out and snatching up Joker's left hand. "You bet we are!"

* * *

The cab rolled to a stop near the end of the road and a concrete divider sidewalk that boarded a large waterway. A span of green and grey warehouses stood out in front, with red metal cranes lifting varying sizes of crates on and off a large black barge. "Okay you two lovebirds, we're here! Metropolis' own industrial seaport! Your friends work here?" the driver asked.

"As a matter of fact, they do," Joker said, standing up, "So what's the damage, chief?"

"Eh we're running a little over five hundred for the trip, but I could cut down to a flat five for ya since it's a special occasion," the driver replied.

Joker smiled warmly. "Splendid! And I just want to thank you for a lovely trip out," he said, reaching forward with his right hand. The driver took hold of the hand and jolted back into his seat, arching his back. His eyes stretched open wide and his teeth clenched shut as his muscles went stiff and his body began to vibrate. Blue-colored lightning ran forth from Joker's palm and enveloped the driver's body in a cage of hissing electrical snakes. A final crack rang out as Joker removed his grip on the driver, a tiny plume of white smoke escaping the center of his glove, where a small, circular, metal device sat looped around his middle finger. Joker grinned darkly and looked to the buzzer. "Whoopsy! Forgot I had that on! Haha!"

"Bout time ya shut him up, Sheesh!" Harley said, getting out of the car.

"Really? But I thought you were having fun telling him how we met!" Joker frowned. He shoved over the limp driver and pressed a button, opening the cab's back trunk.

She rolled her eyes and picked up a small, red, leather purse from the back seat. "Yeah, but that was before he started tellin' me all'a bout his days on a farm back home! Like I really give a damn that he used ta have a bunch'a cows as his friends!"

"And then one day Mama told him they'd have to cook 'Eddy' for supper. Oh how sad!" Joker chuckled. He reached into his pocket and polled out a golf ball grenade.

"Oy, not those again!" Harley remarked, putting her left hand over her face, "Don't we have anything different?"

He scowled. "We're running off leftovers, Harley! They're all I really had in that bunker of ours!" Joker wound a tiny circular timer and tossed the grenade into the backseat, then shut the door. "If we make it back in time to go to that convention tomorrow, we just might find something better! But until then...try to enjoy what we haaaave!" he said, sticking out his lower lip and teasing her with a mock pout.

"Awe, Puddin," Harley whispered. She cupped her hands behind her back and lowered her gaze, pivoting in a half circle on the heel of her right foot. "Ya know I didn't mean it like that..."

He smiled back warmly with heavy eyes. "I know Pooh." Joker reached into the cab's trunk and pulled out a tan leather briefcase. Kneeling down on the sidewalk, he unlatched the top and pulled out a black, steel Tommy Gun. His eyes lit up as he lifted the weapon. "Ah...Takes me right back to my mobster days!"

Harley grinned and stared fondly as her man stood up and briefly shouldered the gun, tucking it neatly then into the confines of his coat. "That's my Puddin,'" she whispered.

* * *

On a cozy little balcony overlooking the heart of Metropolis, an elderly man sat in a wheelchair in a dark-red fleece robe. He had a shiny, yet wrinkled head and a stern look about his eyes as he gazed out over the city to the nearby sparkling waters of the bay. As he took a sip of red liquid from his wine glass, a smirk came over his face. The man chuckled innocently as he watched smoke rising up from the freight yard on the other side of the harbor. "Hmph! What punk do you suppose pulled that one off Mercy?" His right eyebrow raised when she failed to return an answer, and Luthor snapped his head to the right. "Mercy? Dammit where'd that woman go running off to?" he whispered. Luthor turned and looked back into the room. A light blue sheet dangled loosely off the side of their bed, cut diagonally in half by the shadows of the room, which was only partly lit up by the balcony. The rest of the room was in almost complete darkness, and as he peered past a small coffee table with an old telephone on it, Lex Luthor wondered if she was standing in the frame of the bathroom door. Clothes lay strewn about on the floor, but the scene seemed so quiet, savor the light whistle of the wind outside.

"She caught some shut-eye," a woman's voice said from behind.

Lex Luthor's eyes opened wide, and he gripped his left hand firmly onto the rest of his wheelchair as a shiver ran down his spine. As his gaze moved to the left, a body dropped down beside him, landing with a hard thud on the wooden floor of the balcony. Still clothed in her black night dress was Mercy, limp and out cold, her limbs strewn about haphazardly, brown hair laying down over her face. Luthor stared at her, breathless, then slowly panned up. The wine glass slipped form his hand as he relaxed his grasp, shattering into a hundred tiny shards on the floor. A gurgle rose through his throat and his jaw opened wide as Luthor gazed upon the site of a woman in red.

Harley smiled proudly, waving to him with a hand clutching a wet white rag.

"Haha," Luthor laughed, putting his right hand to his forehead, "You know, for a second there I...thought you were someone else," he swallowed.

"Awe, don't look so glum there, Mistah L! Ya might just be right afta' all!" she replied.

Luthor's eyes opened wide again and his hand began to shake. "What did you call me?" he said, removing the hand.

"Poor old Lexy! You look like you've just seen a ghost!" another voice called out.

Lex Luthor's head again snapped to the right. The dark shadow in the doorway began to move forward. First a pair of black shoes stepped into the light of the balcony, then a pant leg, and finally, the whole man, clad in a stripped black suit, brown coat, and matching brown fedora. Luthor swallowed hard as he gazed at the man, who was grinning widely and flashing his teeth. "W-What is this?" Luthor laughed, looking side to side, "Some kind of joke?"

"Actually it's just a little mascara," Joker said, taking the black glove on his right hand to his chin and displaying a little bit of the peach that had rubbed off. His grin quickly returned as he stepped closer to Luthor.

"Y-...You guys are supposed to be dead!" Luthor uttered.

Joker made his right hand into a fist and examined the tips of his fingers. "Yeah, you'd think that, wouldn't you!" he grinned.

Luthor slammed his right fist onto the rest of his wheelchair. "I saw the headline! You were gone over for-"

"Did you happen to catch last year's headline, Lex?" Joker asked.

Lex Luthor blinked and looked to the floor, finally letting his eyes drift back to Joker's level. "You stole technology that my team had been affiliated in working on just to-"

"And I've stolen more of your technology now! Look, Lexy, we could go back and forth with this stuff all day, man, but we all know where it's going to end!" Joker spread his left palm over his chest. "I'm a super villain who likes extreme chaos and destruction and you're a sup- ...er...well...villain who creates things that make chaos and destruction! Of course I'm going to steal your stuff!" Joker chuckled. "Personally, I'm surprised you haven't done the same! Never-ending youth sure has its advantages!"

Luthor smirked. "Who says I haven't?" he replied darkly.

Joker blinked and then looked to Harley. "You see, Baby, I just knew he was the right man to find! Talk about a 'brother-in-arms'!" he teased.

"I told ya we'd be dumb not to come here!" she replied.

"And just think of the gadgets we'll take with us from here..." Joker said, rubbing his hands together and grinning maliciously.

"Oh I can't wait ta-" Harley began.

Luthor raised his hands, chuckling. "Guys! Guy-hi-hi's! Wait a second here! You don't think I'd just post up here unattended in this spot, do ya? Be reasonable!" He flipped open a small, square metal lid on hinges attached to the right arm of his custom wheelchair, revealing a set of white and red buttons. Just as Luthor made his hand into a fist, a bullet ripped through, taking three fingers clean off as it shattered through his palm and splattered bits of blood against the far wall. "Ah-ah!" Luthor gasped, staring wide-eyed at his destroyed appendage. His eyes moved to the left, where Harley stood with her tongue sticking out of the left corner of her mouth, both hands gripping down on a silenced pistol that she had just fired.

"Bull's-eye!" she whispered, head hanging low. She stared at Luthor with eyes full of wicked intent.

Luthor's right arm shook, and he swallowed, bringing the broken hand closer.

"Ooo...That really looks like it hurt!" Joker teased, moving his head side to side.

"You're a sadistic bitch!" Luthor said, scowling at Harley.

"Whoa! Whoa there Lexy!" Joker said, stepping forward, "There'll be no more of that!" He removed the Tommy Gun with his right hand and placed it firmly beneath Luthor's chin. "In fact, I think you owe my little lady an apology!" he said darkly.

Luthor narrowed his eyes at Joker.

"Do it," Joker ordered, pressing the barrel into his neck, "Or I'll splatter your brains aaaaalll over this happy apartment!"

Lex Luthor looked over to Harley. "My apologies, Ms. Quinn."

"That was extremely ruuude of me!" Joker narrated.

"That was...extremely...rude of me," Luthor went on.

"You're actually quite lovely!" Joker said.

Luther growled, but complied. "You're actually...quite lovely."

"Okay enough that!" Joker said, slapping Luthor across the face with his left hand.

Harley narrowed her eyes as Luthor glared at Joker. "Apology accepted Mistah L!" she said, raising the silenced barrel of her pistol to the side of Luthor's head. "Now tell Mistah J what he wants ta know!"

"Thank you Harley," Joker said, smiling at her, "Now look, Lexy. I've recently come into the possession of a little device with which I'm going to use in one of my latest schemes. It's a lovely little hacking device your boys dreamt up back in the day..."

"The Falconian Demixer," Luthor commented, "Go on."

Joker scowled. "Well that's just it, man! I can't go on! I don't have a background in technology rendering or complex computer programming! And we had to dump the complete minds of our hosts this time around so that Harley and I could take over one-hundred percent!" he said, throwing his arms in the air.

"Even if you did have a background in programming or engineering, the access key code verification you'd need for that device is extremely difficult to decipher," Luthor said.

"Great...So how do I get the real code?" Joker asked.

Luthor smiled. "The only place we hid the access point for the code was on another device, the Falcon N-12 or "Falcon Nest" transmitter. Without that component part, you're all outta' luck, clown."

Joker growled, then broke out into a smile as well. "And would this be something Wayne Enterprises has ahold of?" he asked, cupping his hands together next to his face.

Luthor blinked wide and cleared his throat. "They might. But don't expect them to just 'hand it over,'" he smirked.

"Of course not!" Joker beamed, "That's why Harley and I use gas, bombs, and guns! Haha!" He reached into his trench coat and pulled forward a small purple flower. "And by the way, Lexy, since we're all here. There's something I've always wanted you and I to both do..."

"N-No!" Luthor shouted, backing up in his seat.

"Share a LAUGH!" Joker said, squeezing down on the back of the flower. The middle of the plant ejected a small plume of green gas about one foot in front, enveloping Luthor's face. The old once-billionaire turned right and heaved, then sat back up straight with his eyes closed, coughing lightly as a chuckle escaped from his lips. His eyes burst open again and his mouth opened wide as Luthor began to laugh. His body convulsed and clenched up, and he collapsed onto the floor, cackling and squirming as his joints began to lock.

"That's it Lexy, laugh! AH-Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" Joker rang out, throwing his head back in delight.

Harley tilted the gun towards the ceiling and grinned wickedly. "That just neva' gets old, Puddin'!" she giggled.

Joker stepped forward and picked up the damp rag on the floor that Harley had used to subdue Mercy. "Care to try, Pooh?" he whispered.

"Would I!" Harley beamed.

He held the cloth close over his flower and gave it a squeeze, dousing it in Joker Venom before handing it over. "Have fun with it, Baby..." he smirked.

Harley squealed with delight as she took the cloth and put her gun back into her purse. She strolled up to Mercy and kneeled down, tapping the elderly once-bodyguard on the head. "Hey, ya there?" Harley asked.

"Wha-?" The woman uttered, stirring from her sleep.

"Ya may not rememba' me much," Harley began, "but we threw a few punches around back in the day. And I've always wanted ta tell ya something!"

Mercy's eyes opened up as she lifted her head. "Harley!" she said.

"Right-a-roni!" Harley replied, smiling. Her expression suddenly dropped as her voice sank low. "Chew on this, broad!" she said, shoving the rag deep inside Mercy's mouth.

* * *

"Nice work Harley!" Joker said, strolling beside her down the sidewalk. "Thanks to your silent killer, quick reflexes, and my brilliant thinking, we managed to extract the information we needed without having any of his assistants or that nasty little robot he had waiting in the closet alert the public as to our whereabouts!"

Harley smiled wide, briefly closing her eyes. "Just doin' my job, Puddin'!" They came to a stop near an intersection eight buildings down and turned to look at Lex Luthor's illustrious home. A white-brick mansion with a blue-shingle roof and enormous front windows stood in stark contrast to the nearby buildings on the street, which were separated by an impressively-sized front yard. The other resident homes were modest, each with a simple two-story build and a one car garage attached to the side. Luthor's sat with two water fountains in front, and an impressive white brick and mortar front gate.

Joker smiled as he looked to a golden metal casing in his hand, tipped with a green piece that was illuminated suspiciously on its own, despite being in the shadow of a nearby rooftop and out of sunlight.

"So you're not gonna kill Superman, Puddin'?" Harley asked.

"It's tempting alright," he replied, turning the object around in his hand, "But I'm afraid that's not my goal this time," he sighed. "I want to lure our Bat-freak friend out here on a false little rouse. Trying to actually kill Superman at this point would be a little too risky, and besides. What's the point? Why risk killing one man and uping the chances of being caught when instead I could be free to enjoy the laughs of a whole world infected in just a few days?" He turned to Harley, smiling. "There won't be a thing he can do once my venom takes effect and I'll still have a few of these left over in the gun Luthor lent us just in case Supy comes around!" Joker reached into his pocket and pulled out a handful of the strange bullets, then tossed them out in a line down the street. He sighed happily and then turned to Harley. "Ready Baby?" he said, removing a small black and grey box from his pocket.

"You mean it?" Harley gasped, cupping her hands below her chin and smiling bright.

Joker nodded with heavy eyes as Harley skipped up beside him. "It's been a long day, Pooh, and I just want you to know...well that..." He swallowed and blinked at a faint sparkling in his eyes. "I couldn't have done it without you."

"Oh I didn't do nothin' Puddin,'!" Harley replied, grinning as her cheeks flashed red.

"You did wonderful," Joker said in a soft, soothing tone, "And now I'd like you to help me cap off this day with a nice little blast that'll send our enemies scrambling. Would you do that for me? With me?"

Harley's eyes welled up as she shuddered and gasped, gazing into his big yellow orbs. "I'd do anything for you, Puddin,'" she swallowed, "And I live to be with you..."

"Then let's live together," he whispered, leaning in. Joker and Harley pressed their lips softly against each other as she moved in and put her hands both together. A tear rolled down her cheek as they stayed lip-locked on the street, Joker's palm gently settling down upon her own as they calmly pressed the button, sending the mansion up in a burst of fire and smoke.

* * *

"I can't believe the way ya told the new driver that you and I was wed!" Harley said, cuddling him as they propelled the boat toward their island in the pale moonlight.

"What do you mean, Harely? I always tell people we're a couple when we go out on our schemes anymore!" Joker replied.

"Yeah I know, Puddin,' but...this time you...really seemed excited about it!" she said.

Joker pulled the boat through the tiny inlet and into the woods on their secluded island. He shut off the engine and turned to Harley with a warm, open smile. "That's because I am excited to be with you, Pooh. And it's only getting more exiting for me as the days go on..." He reached over and picked up Harley's right hand, kissing it gently before stepping out of the boat. As the door to their compound opened on up, he turned and was met by a tight hug. Feeling elated about the day that'd been won, he scooped up his woman and entered their home, holding her tightly once more as the door closed and shut.

* * *

_**What a pair! Destructive, but lovable!**_

* * *

**Feel Free to Message me with all of your Comments, Questions, Suggestions, or Concerns via PM or my email!**

**STAY TUNED for ****Chapter 10****: ****_A Convention of Comedy_****...COMING SOON!**


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